We all have so many things on our Have To list. I have to go grocery shopping. I have to do laundry. I have to file my tax returns. The list seems endless. And right after you go grocery shopping, do laundry and file your quarterlies, guess what? The cycle bubbles up again sooner than you like– especially the taxes thing. Ugh. But during the grind we know as life, everyone has a story of what’s happening that they might not share, even with their inner circle.
I had a big agenda of Have Tos when a dear friend of mine received a scary diagnosis. I’m not her in case of emergency contact, but I decided to step up and be that anyway. Her husband wasn’t so great at note taking during doctor visits and he was traumatized and afraid for her… and for himself. So I opted out of a few meetings and commitments and accompanied her to screening tests and pre-op and ultimately babysat her hubs during the surgery. Every minute I spent dealing with her crisis was dedicated time. I migrated into her Have Tos and realized that at that time, everything on my plate was really obligations and want tos– nothing was an emergency or as important as her health ordeal. Thankfully she is happy and healthy and came through the procedure with flying colors. When I heard she was fine a year later, and five years later, it drifted to the back of my mind. But she never forgot my commitment to her care and showing up for her family.
I have an old colleague that I befriended in my 20s. We used to work together and we were besties. We did the obligatory after work softball team together. We traveled en mass to the Hamptons for a crazy overcrowded sleep on the floor at a friend’s cabin thing that you do when you’re 24. We used to chat all the time. And we loved snacking together. And we loosely kept in touch. Then thirty years went by and I read about the passing of her father on Facebook. So I gasped and I dropped everything and showed up at the funeral. I needed to be there for her. And when I walked in and she looked up she gasped because we were no longer besties for no reason other than time had eroded our day to day. But the bond was certainly sill in tact. Her Have To became my must. And sadly eleven years later her mother passed. So this time I texted her the evening before and warned her not to scream but that I was coming to the funeral. And there was an emotional hug that I think both of us will treasure. That sort of comfort only comes from someone who knows you. Who sees you. And knows what you need. When you do the right thing I feel it’s imperative to vote with your feet.
Fast forward and a dear friend of mine IS the in case of emergency for a dear friend of hers. And all of my friend’s Have Tos are now in question. She has a ton of travel coming up, she has a big happy celebratory family occasion to attend that is an ocean away, and lots of work commitments sprinkled in between. So we were talking about Have Tos and Want Tos. Sometimes we can’t negotiate a Have To, and of course sometimes we can. But stepping up for someone in need isn’t just the right thing to do, it reminds us that at the drop of a hat, we really can clear our calendar and show up for someone in need. So why is it so hard to do this for ourselves except when we are forced??
I’ve been able to carve out time to do the almost unthinkable– travel outside of the country for a month. In my younger years I would have thought an idea like this would have been impossible! But how amazing in this time and age of connectivity that the impossible has become possible. For the first three years we did the month in Paris, it was a true workcation. We had most of our daytime free to explore, visit museums, walk the city, shop, indulge, snack and enjoy. And then when late afternoon rolled around, we ventured back to the flat to begin our workday promptly at 3pm local time, to hit our 9am east coast target. But now that my schedule is flexible, it is outstanding to maximize the Paris experience to squeeze every minute of fun out of the month, even if it bleeds into the standard 9-5 day back home. As a business owner I can be flexible.
Which leads me to another Have To. I’ve been told that I should somehow monetize my Jen’s Little Black Book concept for years. The franchise is actually twenty-five years old. Gasp! And I’ve never made a dollar. So I’ve added a voluntary Have To to my list, which is to launch the new travel website Premier Paris Picks. The thing about accountability is that when it’s your own gig, the only one who keeps you honest and on target is you. I find fun in finding new places, taste testing, snapping fun photos, and of course seeing the sights and shopping. So kicking off a business with technical and logistical verticals is not the part that I enjoy. In fact, some of it I dread! But I’ve made it a Have To for now until I’m fully launched… which is coming soon so stay tuned for details!
jenslittleblackbook.com 