Raisin Hell, September 29th

I have never been a fan of raisins. Those poor little grapes! When I was little, raisins came in those small, sad little paper boxes and mean parents handed them out to unsuspecting happy children on Halloween instead of giving them delicious chocolate or candy. How cruel can you be, people? It was Halloween for Pete’s sake! Obviously these sadists were into tricks instead of treats. Still shaking my head.

When I got older I discovered that some prepared foods like cole slaw and certain salads came pre-mixed with raisins peppered throughout. Oh, the horror! Carrot salad is sometimes half carrots half raisins so I never order it. Some restaurants that make their own carrot cake are big on adding brown chunks of raisins to entice lookers to order a slice. Why they think that looks attractive is well beyond my scope of understanding. Noooo thanks.

I stay away from oatmeal raisin cookies, cinnamon raisin bagels, cinnamon raisin french toast, rum raisin ice cream, sweet noodle kugels, and trail mix where those chewy suckers pose as chocolate chips. Now that’s borderline illegal in some Republican states in the domestic US. (But I’m not naming names.)

I just don’t get the appeal. They are small, squishy, not really sweet, and they look like bugs! (You know I’m right. This is why you’re laughing!) However, so as not to pass on my anti-raisin affliction to the next generation, I never told my son that I was a raisin avoider. I didn’t serve them at home, but I also didn’t tell him not to eat them at school or at parties or wherever mean foods were sold or distributed. And the kid, of his own volition, absolutely refused to try them, claiming that he just knew he hated them. Yep, that’s my Boy!

And I love when a dish you order comes with an ingredient that was not listed on the menu and the waitress just looks at you like, “Hey, hon, you’ll have to pick ’em out.” And you’re all, “Not happenin’ here, sister.” And then you’re forced to return what looked like delicious homemade chicken salad because the menu omitted that they snuck in squashed, dried grapes. Shame on you unnamed luncheonette on the Upper East Side! (And I was so in the mood for chicken salad, too.)

Serious dislike of a particular food is so common in our society. Plenty of people despise cilantro, stinky cheeses like gorgonzola and blue cheese, and keep six feet away from peanut butter, even without a pandemic recommendation of spacing. I‘m of course a huge fan of all those beauties! (Funny, right?) So whatever it is you chose to keep your distance from, I say it’s ok to raise a little hell if someone puts something you don’t like in something you thought was going to be good.