Flying is amazing. I still can’t get over that a huge airplane packed with people that can’t fly themselves can be airborne all together! But I was never great at physics. (Was anyone?) Turbulence scare the bejesus out of me but I’ve learned to expect a few bumps when I travel. What always amuses me, however, is when turbulence begin on the ground waaaay before boarding. We have all experienced some rough air even in the terminal. And sometimes dealing with the spectrum of humanity can be entertaining. Have I got a story for you!
So I was on my way to Washington D.C. recently and yes, I chose to fly instead of to take the train. Why, you ask? Because by the time I get myself across town schlepping my bag to Penn Station, it’s way easier to hop in an Uber and hit LGA for a shuttle. Besides, I’m a Delta girl. Duh. Anyway, I was posted up in the Delta Lounge at a big common table getting some QuickBooks accounting done online and feeling very Girl Boss before I had to head to my gate. Suddenly an abrupt man sat down adjacent to me. And I only really noticed him because his movements were so deliberate and loud. He whipped out his laptop and began angry typing while he was gulping coffee and constantly clearing his throat. I’ve never seen someone pound on a keyboard to that degree. I’m surprised his Mac survived the ten finger assault. I swear it was the first few minutes of an SNL skit. So after he chugged down his two grande coffees in record time and finished his digital tirade, he packed up quickly and bolted. Like he was never even there. It was so odd!
At the far end of the common table was a gaggle of chatty women traveling home together from a work trip. They were discussing senior management and company policies and all sorts of HR issues you wouldn’t want made public. But bless their hearts, they seemed blissfully unaware and unconcerned that their inside voices carried. And thank God Donna didn’t hear them. Man, they trashed her! I guess she did NOT deserve that promotion because Irene has been there so many more years and got robbed! The funniest part of this trio was that every few minutes one of them would take off a layer of clothing. First Red Robyn removed her scarf. Then Big Pattern Betty peeled off her multi-colored cardigan. And then Janet With The Hat ditched her jacket. They went around in a circle again discarding a vest, windbreaker and a travel wrap. I could not concentrate as I was waiting for a shoe to drop… literally!
Next to me in a high-backed seat was a thinner than you can imagine blonde slow sipping herbal tea with oversized sunnies hiding her delicate visage. I was guessing she was in NYC for a procedure of some sort? It appeared that a stiff wind could topple her over, but her glasses would remain. Honey, I hope you made it home.
Then a total asshole on speakerphone three seats away got my attention. As if the lounge wasn’t already loud enough? Must you take a call on speaker? Really dude? All he did was look around to see if anyone realized how important he was. No one did. STFU!
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