Haul Of Fame, January 26th

Remember when Miranda Priestly demanded that her assistant Andy Sachs get two copies of the yet unpublished manuscript of the new Harry Potter book for her twins before they boarded the train to Grandma’s house? And then a scrambling and frantic Andy called a friend and said “Yes, I know it’s impossible to get… but, well, I was wondering if you could make the impossible possible… if that’s at all possible.” Ah, yes. The Devil Wears Prada lines live rent free in my head forever. But this one has a very practical application. You will never believe what happened to me! I made the impossible possible… In Paris! Here’s what happened…

Each time I’m in the City of Light, I visit all three of the famous Hermès boutiques to lust after the unobtainable bags behind the glass cases, stare at the ready to wear collections, try on a few of their finest chapeaux, marvel at the elite housewares, slip on a few pairs of shoes, and if I’m feeling reckless, purchase a silk scarf or even two. But never have I ever been invited to buy a bag, and yes, I’ve made inquiries.

To even be invited you have to first spend an obscene amount of money there (think a whopping six figures)… as is their pre-bag criteria. And it’s also customary to have a dedicated Sales Associate (SA) at one specific store that you shop with regularly who holds your wishlist on file, which of course is strike two for me. Thirdly you must possess the liquidity for a top tier bag they refer to as a quota bag if you are indeed chosen. Clients are allowed two “quota” bags per year of the Birkin or Kelly persuasion.

Lastly, a lot of patience is required (possibly years) to get the model of your dreams, as these bags are handmade by expert artisans in France in limited quantities so all bags produced are rare and supply is extremely scarce.

Remember the Sex and the City Episode when Samantha name-dropped her client Lucy Liu in order to snag a Birkin and Lucy busted her and took the bag for herself? And out came the famous quote, ‘It’s not a bag, it’s a Birkin!’ Uh huh. Like that only more expensive now.

But unlike every other Hermès boutique around the world which follows the above guidelines, the Paris locations conduct a lottery for leather appointments, so it’s not only about past purchasing history that can qualify you. A commoner can secure a bag. This is how it works…

First you pick up a card that contains a QR code from the information desk. Then beginning at 10:30am the following day, you scan the code, enter your information including your passport number, and then you pray. Later that evening if you’ve been selected, you receive an email between 8 and 9pm for a dedicated leather appointment the very next day. There is no flexibility on time or location. If you’re chosen you show up or lose the opportunity. And your information in person must match the exact info you entered online, including your passport number so that you can’t trade or sell your slot.

So then like a fangirl on French fashion steriods, you religiously scan the code every single day during the length of your trip hoping to qualify for the lucky lottery but knowing the chances are somewhere in between impossible and keep dreaming.

In the four years that we’ve been going to Paris, I’ve scanned, prayed, cursed, tried again, given up, and a week later went back to scanning. But I’d never gotten the golden ticket email.

Sure that I never would, a month before our Paris trip last fall I even went so far as to almost pull the trigger on a pre-loved Hermès Birkin 30 in red Rouge de Coeur with Palladium Hardware that I saw on the Bloomingdale’s website that was “discounted” but still far above the original retail price. But I chickened out and didn’t hit the give it to me now button because c’mon… I just couldn’t.

Fast forward a month, and on day five of our month long Paris trip at precisely 8:17pm local time, I got the magic email telling me to report to the rue du Faubourg Saint-Honoré store at exactly 4:35pm the following day for a leather appointment at Hermès! Omg, friends. The fashion gods smiled upon me. Hallelujah. I had finally hit the handbag hot list!

So I was trying not to get my hopes up because I wasn’t sure of the protocol and I had nobody to ask. I didn’t know if merely having the appointment guaranteed me a bag or not? Or how many I’d get to see, sample or try? Would they make me wear a glove to touch the leathers? And might they have a bag in stock that I’d actually want? If I got one should I keep it as an investment piece, use it and love it, or immediately flip it and triple my money?

My dream handbag had been a Birkin in a size 30cm– incredibly practical for everyday use. I was thinking black or brown or “gold” which is really tan, or even grey or navy could work. Something neutral and timeless. But I fantasized about ostrich or alligator or an exotic leather in any color. I could barely sleep that night.

The following day Michael accompanied me to the store at 4:10pm and we impatiently paced together on the logo embossed tiled floors after we checked in at the desk. My heart was racing!

Not five minutes later a lovely SA appeared and took us upstairs. We were greeted, seated and offered a beverage. Michael requested coffee and I opted for a sparkling water. I appreciated the warm hospitality but the suspense was killing me! She asked if I had a wish list or preference. When she learned that I’d never even held a Birkin before, she disappeared behind a wall and emerged a few minutes later with three very used bags in sizes 25, 30 and 35.

I felt like Goldilocks! I was able to test drive each one in front of a full length mirror where I did a standing pose holding the bag with both hands low and in front of me, one with the bag in the crook of my arm with my hands folded, and then I pretended I was hailing a cab with my right arm while the bag dangled from my left wrist. (I of course needed real life scenarios to see how I’d look and feel in the wilds of NYC with my new leather.) I quickly confirmed that the middle size 30 was the perfect fit for me. She asked the color I’d be looking for and I gave her the neutrals speech. She paused and asked if there was a special color I might have my eye on as well? So I told her the Bloomies story and she disappeared again while I pondered the details of my extravagant purchase…

About twenty minutes later she reappeared carrying just one box. One box? In my mind I thought she’d bring a tower of big orange boxes and theatrically unwrap each one while I clapped enthusiastically, grinning from ear to ear while a circle of chirping birds formed a halo above my head. But it was just the lone box with very little fanfare. She announced quite unapologetically that they had no neutrals in store– not a one, but she did find a bag she thought I might like.

Lo and behold she unboxed a brand new Hermès Birkin 30 in the bright Rouge de Coeur red color with Palladium Hardware– the exact bag I drooled over and almost bought pre-owned on the Bloomingdale’s website a month prior! And just like that, the impossible became possible. It was love at first sight.

She then guided me downstairs to find the perfect Twilly mini scarf to twist around one of the handles. I picked my fave and she did the honors. Michael asked if the Twilly was complimentary with the purchase of the bag? (Well bless his heart. Isn’t he adorable?!) That would be no, love. After my heart rate returned to normal, I paid for the goodies while the elves wrapped my bag in a sturdy orange box, housed in an orange logo’d bag, slid part and parcel finally into a plain, nondescript shiny white bag to avoid paparazzi photos and/or theft. I’m kidding about the pap shots but I did feel a little like a B list celeb when we exited the store. (Hey, Lucy? Look what I got!)

Nervous to walk the streets of Paris hauling such an expensive and cumbersome purchase, we Ubered back to the flat where I had a solo unboxing ceremony complete with me tapping my nails along the box before I carefully untied the brown ribbon, separated the tissue paper layers and voila! There she was. And no I didn’t film it because I’m just not that girl.

For the remainder of the trip, the bag in a box in a bag in another bag lived locked inside my broken handled checked suitcase (long story for another post!). I assumed our flat was of course safe but just in case I wanted the newbie stored in a combination lock airtight environment until I could give her a proper shelf in my permanent abode back in the States. I’m a proud paranoid New Yorker, what can I say?

The next dilemma was how to get her home. Remembering excitedly that the two bag maximum barely applied to outbound CDG passengers as the laissez-faire gate agents never checked or counted as we prepared to board, I decided to take my chances and drag the heavy white bag that was bigger than my rollaboard through security and onto the plane as a maybe I bought this in the duty free shops purchase. Not only was that a great idea, my white bag had plenty of overhead space above our seats to rest comfortably nestled between our four other carryons. Yay. Mission impossible successfully accomplished.

And now that I’ve been home for a hot minute, I still can’t believe I got a bag… I mean a Birkin. I do realize that it is just a handbag, but yeah, it’s so much more. And I think if I had gotten this style in black or green, brown or grey I wouldn’t be as excited as I am now. Because this one is really something special.

And I have to say that amongst the many stellar purchases that I’ve hauled home from Paris over the years from silver to vintage, and mustards to shoes, coats and artwork, the Birkin is totally unique, completely dreamy and truly spectacular. In fact, it IS the absolute Haul Of Fame. So now I can call myself a Haul Of Famer? Autograph anyone… or is it too soon? 😉