It’s no secret that after many years of back-to-back long term relationships, I went deep single, completely taking myself off the market until I could regroup and emerge with a better idea of who I was and what I was looking for. Well we all know how that turned out! My first novel, Jen’s Little Black Book: Bacon Wrapped Dates is a fictional take on all those hilarious and horrific dating stories that happened once I emerged. And it’s a hoot. If you haven’t read it yet and desperately need a laugh, feel free to buy it today (shameless plug) on Amazon. Yours today for the low low price of $19.99. https://www.amazon.com/JENS-LITTLE-BLACK-BOOK-Wrapped/dp/B0991J75KZ
Anyway in the very last chapter of the book, our protagonist Jen meets the love of her life and lives happily ever after. That part is not fiction. It’s 100% true. So now that Michael and I have been together for a whopping five years (yay us) I’ve been giving some thought to couple goals. And some of the things that I love most about our couplehood is how complementary we are to one another, the seemingly endless amount of positive energy we both bring to the table, and how I feel a real sense of true peace and deep emotional comfort knowing that we are together. It is life affirming.
I am so lucky that Michael is so reasonable, flexible, and up for whatever I’m craving or wishing for or desperate to try. Be it a restaurant, part of the City, pair of shoes or a conference, if I say this looks good, tastes good or would be fun he’s all in. He’s a perfect partner for meals as his palete is far more extensive than mine. And hey, I know how to sell, so when I have my heart set on one course of egg sandos followed by a dessert course of sharable honey butter pancakes, it’s not hard to convince the big man to share with me.
I’ve said many times that we have no overlapping skills– he has so much patience it’s like his superpower, something I often lack although I’ve gotten so much better. I can juggle ten things at once while he’s a mono tasker going deep on just one project to the exclusion of everything else. I’m a planner and he’s a let’s just see what we see kinda guy. But what we do have in spades is total respect for the other person’s point of view and the execution of our individual ideas without judgment 99% of the time. We truly support each other. And we stay open to what the other contributes. (Especially if it’s a snack.) We can be running around doing a million things or just chilling in the patch (our term for bed) and it’s always fun, relaxing and wonderful.
I think openness and support are the keys to our combined success. He’s lived a different life in a different place with different feelings about all of that than I have. And vice versa. For us it’s the ultimate form of respect to honor those differences while still being able to be our genuine authentic selves.
He let’s me go crazy being organized and doing hours of travel research and I love his kitchen ballet. (You should see his pleay.) And the best is when we pay attention to the likes and passions of each other so we can be understanding, empathic and excited for and with each other.
Reading this I am acutely aware that it’s a sappy take on a second marriage type relationship where you finally get all the things you were missing the first time around and everything on the relationship wish list. I know I hit the jackpot. And as you know, I’m a big fan of personal growth, moving forward and loving the you that emerges to then build the life that you want with the person that you love.
jenslittleblackbook.com 