It’s no secret that I’m a fan of the good ol’ American hot dog. I’m sure I told you that when I was little my Mom took me to the pediatrician worried that I only wanted to eat frankfurters. His reply? Let her. Lots of years later I’m a still a huge fan of the perfect frank, but the variety of food I intake has increased significantly beyond this handheld staple. So I eat them, but not on the regular. It’s more of a special occasion situational (ball game) or seasonal food (summer) thing. But my love for them has not changed at all. I’m still hopelessly devoted to the dog. In fact, I think I appreciate them even more now that I eat them so rarely. See Mom? The doctor was right. Nothing to worry about.
Breaking news from multiple sources reveals that my childhood fave is under a bit of an attack from a dangerous foreign adversary. Would you believe me if I told you that cooking or selling hot dogs in North Korea is now punishable? By labor camp!!! That’s right. Kim is cracking down on our Western culture infiltrating their “hermit kingdom” by way of the fearless frank.
I cannot think of more harsh punishment for enjoying one of life’s greatest pleasures. Nitrates as contraband? Really?? I’m totally crossing North Korea off my travel list and certainly deleting it from my foodie bucket list. Take that, Kim!
But in places like France, bless their hearts, they are SO comfortable with selling hot dogs that they have canned the critters and you can buy them anytime you like in the grocery store. These look so tasty that the cafeteria lunch at a forced labor camp in North Korea seems more appealing! OMG. No.
It really makes you appreciate our protein here right at home, right? In America we have access to quality meats that don’t live in a can (sorry Spam– I’ve never been a fan). We boast shelves as far as the eye can see of spectacular condiments. And to my knowledge there is nothing you can eat here that will land you in jail, unless your name is Hannibal, but we won’t go there.
So this summer when bbqs are in full swing and you see a hot grill full of plump, juicy dogs or if you pop by Gray’s Papaya on West 72nd Street on a cloudless sunny day to grab a few franks, remember to thank your lucky stars that we have no dog in this fight. Our food choices are not at risk and the mighty hot dog will not be compromised or mislabeled as a gateway food toward a life of governmental rebellion. Nobody is monitoring the number of nitrates we nibble so we can eat as many as we want. (Apparently a pack of eight is standard and then two buns will be solo. Can someone look into this?)
So I want to dedicate this summer snacking season to the poor North Koreans who won’t be cooking out with Sabrett or Nathan’s or Ball Park. A travesty for sure. But if they can use their PTO to take a holiday and visit the States, we’re happy to throw another few on the fire for them. Here we believe in life, liberty and the pursuit of happy meals.
jenslittleblackbook.com 