Stalking, March 17th

When I was Hebrew school-aged (around 11) I loved celery. I know it sounds bonkers but I did. My snack for my dreaded Hebrew school classes was either cut stalks of celery or cucumber slices with a dash of salt. I’m still a huge celery fan, especially the hearts. They have such a satisfying crunch, they are so healthy, and they hug any dressing or topping you pair with them. They are the ultimate vehicle for peanut butter, squeeze cheese, and dip, and they make the perfect stirring vertical for a bloody mary or a spicy tomato juice. Come at me but nothing is better after a saucy Buffalo chicken wing than a celery stalk loaded with blue cheese dressing. It’s the ultimate chaser.

Lately celery seems to be having a moment. Have you seen the hilarious Moschino handbag that looks identical to a bunch of freakin celery, leaves and all? For a total of $4470 plus tax? I agree. Say less. And what can you even stuff in there… besides a whole can of Easy Cheese? This is a handbag I would not stalk.

Does anyone know if Walmart is already working on a dupe of this bag? Maybe it’s made of rhubarb in a lovely shade of pinkish red? Or a bag of orange carrots or a big purple cabbage? In this day and age, ya never know.

Not everyone agrees with my love of the mighty green watery veggie. Sadly the one and only Marilyn Monroe was not a fan. But would it change your health conscious mind if you discovered that you burn more calories crunchy on celery sticks than the calories contained in the actual stalks? Yepper, it’s true! And they do fill you up with good fiber.

You know when you’re hungry, but you don’t know what you want? You’re craving a good snack but loaded celery sticks aren’t hitting the spot. (Yeah, I know but it could happen.) So you open the fridge, the cabinets, the pantry, take a look, sigh deeply then leave the kitchen having forgotten what you just saw. So you go back ten minutes later to visit the same exact hiding places, peek around, open the refrigerator and a drawer or two to find something better. Well, what if your fridge did that to you? I’m sorry friends but I’d call that stalking!