Flying anywhere is such a big deal these days. Terminals are packed and every airport in the continental United States is under some sort of mega renovation project. Did they all compare notes and say let’s all start construction at the same time? Ugh. And folks bring their whole family to departures for the long goodbye. Ya got 119 cabs behind you, 463 Uber drivers honking like mad trying to navigate drop off and your kid needs to give daddy twelve extra hugs and put stickers all over your briefcase before your overnight trip to Cincinnati? Keep it moving please.
Even the “fast lane” for the biometric screening champ CLEAR is completely backed up. (Not a secret anymore since everyone’s in on it.) That didn’t take long, right? How does everybody know about this? Even occasional travelers are forking over the entry fee to supposedly beat the crowds.
I recently got Real ID which has its own separate row (travel tip!) and that one appears to be the only queue moving. What’s more is that most people seem like they are late because traffic is worse and lines are longer than they expected so bad moods are prevalent no matter the time you travel. Grrrrreat. Please sigh heavily every 10 seconds as you huff and puff directly behind me, sir. It’s 5am and I’m so up for your TSA tantrum while you speak loudly on an overseas deal call, dude in the Loro Piana sweater, finance bro vest and Tumi carryon. Newsflash? You’re not Kendall Roy. (He only flew private.)
The only thing rapidly moving at airports is the price of snacks. And lemme tell ya, it’s on the rise. What in tarnation is going on?? You can’t get out of there for less than $30 for a soggy sandwich and a not cold enough bottle of generic water. Chips? Oh that’ll be an extra $8. C’mon. I booked this flight on points, Laguardia! Enough with the grocery assault.
Do you really want me bringing a tuna sandwich from home in crinkly tin foil as we soar through the air to the Bahamas? Mmmmm. Maybe the smell will carry all the way up to the big seats in the front. Nobody wants that! But I will do it. I’ll do it.
Finally after the painstaking screening and bag check you’re through security. Hallafrigginlooya. Your gate is in sight after the three football field sprint of free wheeling your rolling bag, and you’re ready to go… in 46 quick minutes. And as you’re counting down, you find that you and all other 172 passengers are inching toward the boarding door, even though the pilots haven’t shown up yet and the wheelchairs are still sidelined. Sound familiar?
Did you know the airlines have a term for folks loitering near the stanchions prior to pre-boards and military? They call us gate lice! Us. Can you imagine? Ya, it’s sort of hilarious and awful both at the same time.
But I know the anxiety of not checking a bag and having the loudspeaker encourage you to gate check because they will run out of overhead room. The pressure is unbelievable, especially in Group 5 and beyond. And the gate attendants wonder why you crowd the door? It’s not that I want to be seated first, Rosemary C. and Hector V. I want overhead compartment space for my larger than most expandable suitcases that I absolutely refuse to check.
Once onboard it’s wheels up, movie on, phone charging and hello blue skies above the clouds! What a way to appreciate earth– above it looking down from 36,000 feet. For all the hassles that travel has become and how expensive everything is, planes quickly take us where we want to go. And leaving home base for an alternate location is always good for a change of scenery, climate adjustment, new menu options and fantastic adventure. Me? I love to travel and I’m always ready for takeoff.
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