Meme Girls– Food Fest, April 25th

And so continues the meme contest between me and my very dear friend KLB. The topic for this meme session will be… food. I’ve been asked by various readers to put a warning label at the top of this post, for the jokes contained herein might cause you to accidentally pee your pants, immediately share the blog, or just enjoy a hearty belly laugh that keeps you giggling randomly throughout the day. You have been warned.

Many of you know that in addition to writing, food is my absolute passion. So this topic was a no brainer for me. And I’m sure it will come as no surprise to you that like me, KLB is a purveyor of fine food and jokes as well. So this match up, just like our friendship, is truly epic. Let the feeding frenzy begin. “Dear KLB, thinking of you…”

“Jenster. How’s the day? Trapped in the kitchen cooking again are ya? Are you using those fab Julia Child paperweights Mikey got you for your recent 29th birthday? I’m miserable. Sticking to a strict low carb diet of hideous vegetables, wilted fruit, and tasteless fish. I’d just about kill for that insane garlic bread from Parm on Columbus.”

“Oh, KK. Sorry your diet is so tough. I don’t know how you do it. I haven’t cracked open the Julia Child commandments of French cooking yet. Waiting for fall so I don’t ruin my girlish figure with sixteen pounds of butter per dish. Dang her stuff looks good! We’ve actually been watching that new series Julia on HBO. Amazing show. So inspiring!! She’s incredibly watchable. We didn’t have a full cake for my bday celebration this year– just a few random cake slices from Magnolia Bakery to share. Far easier to open than this sucker…”

“Ha!! 😹 😹😹😹😹😹😹. I hate those containers. I’m having technology issues on my end…”

And also…

“This is so true! Every microwave should come with Stealth Mode that doesn’t make a sound when your food is ready! Even better you should be able to voluntarily put your micro on a timer so that if you’re caught eating after a certain hour, a booming voice like James Earl Jones would come on and say, ‘KLB, it’s after hours! Step away from the kitchen!’ And now that I’m thinking about it, each user could have to have an access code so that nobody could ultimately block your access except you. A new invention! I’m going to seek a patent. But for now… in honor of you… a salad.”

“Whoops. My bad. This…”

“I can’t stop laughing. I hope those are random meat pics and not your real meal AND that you didn’t have cookies for lunch. Doesn’t your buddy Paul do that for real?! It’s almost 2pm and I’m guessing you’ve been up since what….. I’d say 6am? Imma bouta have me some gluten free pancakes for breakfast since I just got up!”

“Jeez I hate you. Those look so good! Better than my salad even. Yep, Paul does sometimes eat cookies for lunch! In other news, I do have to make dinner tonight. Here’s a recipe I’m dying to try…”

“I know you love hot dogs. Those might be good! I am actually making dinner tonight, too. Surprise, it’s fish!”

“Michael was just saying the other day that he loves lentils. Who knew? I stopped by that tragic grocery in my neighborhood again (you remember the one with the typos on the buffet) thinking I’d get a a few bags of lentils to whip up something good when I saw this outside…”

“Ha! In my building some of the older folks have stolen entire grocery carts not just the wheels– for what I have no idea. After that initial trip home, what are you gonna do with a shopping cart? They take up too much square footage for an apartment. They should make them collapsible. Oooooh. I have a patent idea, too. Touché! Here’s a little message in a can for you to chew on…”