I was once standing on a corner in Midtown Manhattan waiting for the light to change when a woman with a furrowed brow approached the police officer who happened to be standing next to me. She was definitely from out of town– so said her inappropriate shoes, lots of jangly costume jewelry, and zippered fanny pack sporting a discontinued drug logo prominently displayed around her middle. Anyway, she walked up to the cop and said, “Excuse me, Officer. How do I catch the bus uptown?” So he tells her that she’s just steps away from the bus stop that is clearly marked in HUGE letters. And there is a bus shelter. And a bus schedule on an information pole practically in front of her face. I actually thought she was kidding. But he takes her seriously and says, “Just wait right over there,” and points. She seems completely agitated now and pipes up, “But the sign says NO Standing!” So the cop actually giggles and says, “Yes, ma’am. But that sign is for cars and not for people!” Only in New York, friends.
A few years ago I was at the famous and delicious Katz’s Deli downtown when a woman walked up to the counter and ordered two “nishes.” I almost spit out my Dr. Brown’s Cream Soda laughing. The not so nice guy behind the counter barked at her, “Lady, it’s a kuh-nish. The ‘k’ ain’t silent!” But after that schooling, she certainly was.
I have a friend Amy who lives in Chicago. She’s a matrimonial attorney at a big firm but is heavily involved in corporate planning, office management, and staffing. They had just hired a new information technology specialist named Hung Shing* and he was starting the day I was scheduled to visit her. So I checked in at the front desk to announce my arrival and the receptionist waved me back, as Amy was expecting me. I was just about to knock on her slightly ajar door when I heard a man inside push back a guest chair and say, “And just so you know, I’m hung.” I froze in my tracks! When the door opened, I was standing there with my hand over my mouth just as a young, handsome Asian professional exited her office. (*Last named changed for obvious reasons!)
A few years post college graduation I was visiting Atlanta and my alma matter, Emory University with my then husband, Brad. I had been to his old stomping grounds (SUNY Albany) on many occasions and we had a not so friendly rivalry between us regarding which academic institution was the better school. (Obviously not even a contest. Ha!) Anyway, I was excited to show him around campus and take him to some of my favorite foodie haunts in town. So we ended up at Le Peep for breakfast. I ordered my usual Hobo Banquet– often imitated but never duplicated it was a skillet full of Peasant Potatoes, diced onion, blended cheese and a lid of two basted eggs. He ordered the Desperado– TEX MEX-Peasant Potatoes, chorizo sausage, green chiles and onions, all covered in homemade salsa, capped with combo cheese and two basted eggs. (You said a mouthful there, sister.) So just as we’re settling in, our waitress goes to the next table to collect their order. The woman seated announces quite loudly to our server, “I’ll have the two eggs any style.” And the once friendly waitress just stares at her for a beat, exhales audibly, and finally says, “Ummm, how would you liked them cooked, miss?” So Brad leans across our booth and immediately pipes up, “I’m pretty sure one of your old Emory professors is sitting behind you.”
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