Chew On This, April 26th

When I was a kid, I loved bubble gum. I’d shake a few pieces from those never quite filled boxes of Bazooka, rip the paper right off and in moments, I’d be reading the comics as those sugary gems squished together in my wired with braces mouth. (I became a rebellious believer at a tender, young age.) Dubble Bubble was another big fave– much softer and held its flavor a little longer, but nothing beat the Bazooka taste, although Razzles were a close second. (Razzles!)

For blowing bubbles, Bubble Yum and Bubblicious were king. You could stretch that stuff for days and the only reason to ever spit it out was that your mouth got tired from all the chewing.

I think Bubble Yum came out after Violet Beauregard’s time, but she would have been a huge fan before she became a blueberry.
(Hi, Cornelia, sweetie!)

As I got older and switched to the classic Trident Blue, I learned that the connotation of a “Gum Chewer” went way beyond the obvious act of actually chewing gum. Picture a teenager with attitude, hand on her hip, head cocked to the side with the Whatcha Gonna Do About It look. She pulls part of the gum out of her mouth and twirls it around her finger as she blatantly ignores your request to please set the table. She’s the definition of a Gum Chewer.

Or an impatient executive crackin’ his gum as he waits on line at the bank in front of you. Uugh! Another Gum Chewer.

Some Gum Chewers are entitled. They think it’s ok to spit their rainbow wad onto the busy sidewalk or to stick it to a lamppost or on top of a fire hydrant. The worst used to be visiting an amusement park and seeing the gum trees with layers and layers of ABC gum (already been chewed gum) stuck to the tree trunks. Gum tree courtesy of Ken Steinhoff.

Remember Six Flags Great Adventure in New Jersey? Gross!

“Don’t you forget about me. Don’t, don’t, don’t, don’t. Don’t you forget about me.”

Lyrics by Simple Minds. Shoe shot courtesy of @gum_onmyshoes

Perhaps gum should be treated like a controlled substance– you should have to sign a damage waiver of some sort before chewing or take an oath.

“I, state your name, do solemnly swear to discard this bubble gum properly. I will not use it as a weapon in my classmate’s hair. I will not blow bubbles or crack my gum in pipeline meetings, nor will I hide it in the seat pocket in front of me once I board the aircraft. I vow to chew with my mouth closed. So help me Bazooka Joe.”

I hate to burst my own bubble, but I don’t see this happening anytime soon. If you see someone breaking the unspoken rules of gum etiquette, feel free to chew them out.