When my Grandmother was in her 80s, her hearing was a tad compromised. She also lost of bit of the social filter adults all use when we are in public. So we were gathered at the Arch Diner in Brooklyn on a random Sunday having a nice family brunch when a substantially overweight woman walked past our table. Without realizing how loudly she was speaking, my Grandmother leaned in and hollered, “That is the FATTEST woman I have ever seen!” Without missing a beat, my mortified Aunt Ferne (speaking for all of us) clapped back, “She may be fat, Ma, but she’s most certainly NOT DEAF!” This became one of the stories we’ve told over and over again and it’s still funny (and horrific) decades later. (The concept even took on legs… The buffet might not be good but at least it’s extensive. The flight might not be short but at least it’s uncomfortable.) Filter or no filter photo below courtesy of PipesandCigars.com.
My Mom’s BFF Estelle Ann had a similar situation with her Dad, Edgar. Her Dad was a little hard of hearing too and would often shout without realizing how far his voice carried. So Estelle’s clan were all out for a nice family dinner, seated at a local Chinese restaurant deciding what they wanted to eat. The waiter came to their table and started making his rounds. When the waiter reached Estelle’s Dad, Edgar looked up at the guy and screamed, “DUCK!” Everyone in the entire restaurant hit the floor to take cover. Her Mother Claire was embarrassed, but the rest of the family thought it was an absolute riot. We weren’t even there and my whole family still laughs when we retell their funny family fable. And the moral is: Don’t scream duck in a restaurant.
DUCK!!
My ex-sister-in-law Bari came up with a great gimmick for filtering a conversation in public when something has been said that might accidentally reveal a secret of some sort. To avoid the potential blurting out of this information, so was born the concept of 54. How does this work? Ah, good question. So let’s say I told Bari in confidence that I really hated the enormous big-screen TV that my husband (her brother) just gifted us for the living room. (Sort of like Homer buying Marge a bowling ball with his name on it, right?) TV shot courtesy of Wikipedia.
Anyway, if Bari were to bring up the offensive behemoth at a family gathering, I would have jumped right into to say, “Bari, we have 54 more channels on that TV now!” and she would have known to just shut up about it. The code of 54 means stop right there and I’ll explain later; you’ve stepped in it and I’m doing you a favor by shutting you down. Fifty-four has saved many an embarrassing moment since. (But don’t go and tell everyone this insider tip or everyone will know, and the jig will be up.)
jenslittleblackbook.com 