There Will Be Signs, July 14th

I’ve never been much of a gal for showy labels but I do like designers. Back in the 80s when the Benetton craze took over with those obnoxious shirts with the gigantic logos, I never opted in. I’m not totally silent label gal, a la Loro Piana (but I dream!) but I really like nice things. So I’m just giving you a heads up that if I happen to win the lottery once I agree to finally buy tickets, there will be signs.

Like for instance, if you’re having dinner at my eight bedroom duplex on the Upper West Side of NYC with the private elevator, stunning views and wrap around terraces overlooking Central Park on a come as you are casual Monday night, and the chef on staff with the big ol’ white hat greets you by name and hands you a Goyon-Chazeau Le Thiers Prestige Wooly Mammoth Steak Knife to gently slice into your Wagyu beef just off the plane from Japan, I might have hit it big. Or if my butler Branson gives you the freshly polished Puiforcat Cannes Sterling Silver Asparagus Tongs with which to serve yourself the perfectly tender poached greenies in a butter emulsion with lightly toasted almond slivers, perhaps I’m doing better than ok.

In fact, I would consider having a Ladies Maid like in the Downton Abbey series who would lay out my chosen wardrobe for the day. Can you imagine someone picking out your yoga pants, and you don’t even do yoga!?

And I’m sure my wardrobe would grow. I’m a total shopper so I’d have to expand my closet. However, issues might arise if I impulse shop and once the goodies are home, they aren’t as good on as when they debuted at the store try on. So, it’s possible I could miss an event from time to time. My deepest apologies. I would of course send a gift with my heartfelt reply.

I think money brings out the good in good people and money brings out the bad or nasty in already angry people. And I’m a lover, not a hater, so you can imagine.

It must be so terrible to have so much money and still not be able to be happy.

Yes, you can do charitable things, and help kids and boost education and save the rain forests, and hunger. But after that, if you haven’t used all your funds why not have a little fun or a few laughs??

And by all means, have dessert. You can have your trainer help you work it off the next morning. For me I might go a little handbag crazy. I don’t know what it is actually. They call out to me… “Jen! Bring me home. I’m yours!” I’m a sucker for a good bag. I’m also good about recycling, or selling the ones I no longer use.

There are however some things that regardless of how much money I had, I would never ever buy. Ever. Like a Chanel Boomerang. Just why? Or a plain silver Tiffany can? LeSueur Baby Peas calling. It’s a no. And what about the Hermès Apple Holder? Is this a joke? The Tiffany Silver Yarn Ball is decorative, but still I don’t get it. And the item you will never see in my house regardless of how big the win would be is a Balenciaga Trash Pouch. What the actual f*ck is that? Did anyone buy it when it came out? Please say no. No. No. Hell no.

The truth is that I don’t need a wooly mammoth knife. Or a set of six. Who does? I’m perfectly happy, thrilled even, with my 8 Euro knife from Paris to cut everything from my cheap skirt steak to cherry tomatoes on sale. And I’d never even want a duplex in the City. Who needs those stairs? Imagine all the dusting. I’m exhausted thinking about having to decorate eight bedrooms. No. The chef would rock and the spending sprees on fun things would be so joyful. But as for me now, I’m quite happy in my understaffed kitchen– population me. In case that changes though, be on the lookout for some signs.