Many people pull out their Rolodex to prove how popular they are. This can peacock in the number of followers someone has, the number of likes they may receive on social, the aggregate of connections they boast, the number of business cards they have collected over the years, the hours they bill for the year, or by the way they casually name drop (the worst!). And I say… so what? It’s not who YOU know, it’s who knows YOU. And more importantly who remembers you.
I know some folks who are horrible at remembering names. Others I know aren’t good with faces. So when I’m with some in either or both camps at big networking events, I’m like Andi Sachs shadowing Miranda Priestly whispering the names and titles of the approaching attendees in their ears. And I don’t mind at all. On the rare occasion I do forget, I realize it’s quite acceptable to apologetically whisper, “Remind me of your first name?” and they graciously reply.
I think the most fun part of meeting someone new is to find the commonality so that you can connect on a personal, memorable level. Like when you discover someone grew up in the same suburban region as you. Cool! And then you dig a little deeper and find out they were actually raised in the same town you were. No way! And you both went to the same high school, albeit at different times. What are the odds? And then you feel this sort of kindred spirit between the two of you. And you find yourself unusually happy to see them at industry conferences. And you go out of your way to invite them to events. And it’s a genuine feeling of connection. And validation. And it’s ultimately what we all seek… Acceptance.
I agree that it’s a bit of an art to successfully fish for the link. It could be kid related, passion project focused or travel based. Everyone has a life outside of work so getting to the personal parts of their story might take a little digging, but once you find the bounce in their step and what they love to talk about, it’s a goldmine. You’ve illicited an emotion! Their animated body language and/or dilated pupils will tell you you’ve hit the jackpot. And then it’s up to you to find the bridge. People love to talk about the things they are passionate about. (Food! Family! House reno! Antiquing! Protest! Baseball card collecting! Milestone achievements! Charity project! ) And they connect almost immediately when you appreciate their passion. Feeling secure in a topic they know well, they open up and let you in. And that right there is your moment to start building a connection.
“The real power of communication is not to speak at people— it’s to speak to something inside them.”
Nick Winton
Even better is when you’ve made such a strong impression on a new contact and they introduce you to someone you don’t know and they go on and on about something they distinctly remembered about you. It makes me laugh when I’m introduced as, “You have to meet Jen. She writes this book/she has a blog.” Or, “She knows everything about food.” Well thank you, but I really don’t! And I smile because they are so psyched that they like that tidbit about me and they want to share it to both compliment me, and impress the new friend. It immediately turns a cold introduction into a welcome warm hello.
I have a dear friend in the industry and when he is excited to introduce two peeps of his that don’t know each other his tagline is, “You two? Make friends.” It’s a funny way to shove two strangers together to make a business match. And it’s his style and his alone. The two parties start out with a laugh, shake hands and it’s already comfortable. The ice is broken and they can begin to connect. It’s the friend by association technique and it works.
I rarely get the corporate intro about what I do for a living and how I can be of service in a professional fiduciary deposit capacity. Instead I get the, “Didn’t you go to Paris and can you help my partner with some restaurants for a three day trip?” “Of course!” is my answer and I’d love to. And I always follow up and follow through. If I’m known as a food maven, travel geek, or word nerd, it only supports my reputation by continuing to provide the value they’ve been told that I’m known for. Then it’s easy to wow them with my know how. And later, once I’ve proven that I’ve lived up to my good name, they are so happy to try to refer me business if they can. If they trust you with something personal, that trusts bleeds over to a blanket trust for business. Amazing. And once you’re on their radar, people will go out of their way to work with those they know, like and trust– especially if you’ve done them a solid.
Just one bit of caution… What you don’t want to do is overwhelm a stranger with your accomplishments without asking a thing about their interest in yours or directly about theirs. It’s so much better to have a friend or colleague sing your praises than for you to do the honors yourself, which can sound a lot like bragging. So just be mindful that the best advocate for you is a trusted person (past client, current colleague, new friend) who knows you already. And then once you’ve developed a trusted bond with a newbie, it’s more than ok to proudly share what you’re getting up to, or into or looking for.
jenslittleblackbook.com 