Although our adjacent states find New Yorkers a bit of a pill sometimes, New Jersey and Connecticut residents are acutely aware that New Yorkers speak differently, and faster than our neighboring peripherals. Also, some of our local customs are a bit strange to outsiders. And nothing really phases us– you’d be surprised what we walk past and don’t even flinch.
We quickly stride by random performers singing at full volume in Grand Central Terminal, ignore drum playing musicians tapping on a plethora of inverted paint buckets, yawn as we pass ensembles flipping complicated acrobatics on cement clearings in Washington Square Park and casually stroll by oddities that don’t even register with us because in New York, we have such a diverse population of main characters that absolutely nothing is out of the ordinary.
Lots of outsiders just can’t relate to or be bothered by true New Yorkers. Some of us dress sort of quirky. (Multi-colored mohawk, short green pants, lots of silver jewelry and a prominent nose piercing walking on Columbus Avenue yesterday? Without even looking I know it’s one of ours. You go, Rocky!) We walk at a brisk pace when we’re on a mission. And even when we’re not. (Me) We pay a goddamn fortune for the privilege of living here. We deal with excess garbage, terrible traffic, salty tourists, serious humidity, small spaces, terrible neighbors, parking nightmares, long lines, smog, smells, subway delays and store closings. And yet, we remain one big happily dysfunctional family. And we encourage all of our residents to let their freak flags fly!
Also, common practices here aren’t found in outlying suburban areas either and the price tag for all of this looms large. For instance, all City residents know that there is an understood minimum for leaving your house on any given day. You buzz by the grocery store, take an Uber, enjoy an iced coffee and grab a pastry? That’s gonna run you $200. You hit Central Park with a few cold cuts and a pickle platter, and later hop the subway downtown for a museum visit? You’re talking an easy two Franklins for those fun excursions… if you’re lucky. You score a black t-shirt at Zara on Broadway and take your son out for a quick lunch? Definitely over $200. Yep, it all adds up quick.
Be that as it may, we actually make a serious effort to save money where we can. But sometimes New York math hits differently.
And if we’re housebound for just one day, well then obviously that doubles our out of pocket money for the next day, right? And if we’re sick for a week? You guessed it… shopping spree!
In JenMath, New York is made up of 20% tourists, 55% locals, and 25% transplants who are dying to experience life in the Big City, be part of the action, be discovered, or get lost and blend in. So of course everyone here has a story. Often visitors get WHY we live here, but they just can’t comprehend HOW we live here under these conditions. I’m taking about strange layout apartments, five story walkups, bathtubs in kitchens, no windows in bedrooms, several roommates, or paying $9 for a pint of strawberries. And many folks don’t understand our laundry situation so let me elaborate. Very few New Yorkers have in apartment machines, so the chore of doing laundry in the scary dank basement of our high rise or at brightly lit coin operated laundromats or doing the drop and fold per pound at the dry cleaners sucks the very life out of us on a weekly basis. And for that hassle, we demand treats. Hell, we deserve them!
We are also known in general to have attitudes and lack patience. (Ahem) Space comes at a premium, it’s crowded everywhere and sometimes the density of the population just gets to us. Many of us are snappy and fast thinking agile jugglers of thoughts and ideas, usually while we are hauling groceries and lost in thought. So if you’re in our way, lookout!
New Yorkers are also known to be on edge. It’s not uncommon to witness an argument between strangers over minor infractions that were actually accidental– like a nudge on an escalator or a deli disagreement over mayo. And forget about cutting into any sort of line. You’re taking your life in your hands if you dare.
And I find it amazing (and annoying!) that so many residents here have so much damn money!! How can so many people afford multi-million dollar apartments and houses Out East and spring for fancy dinners and travel and have help? It makes me wish I bought GameStop or Bitcoin or something that increased exponentially and changed my life dramatically. But everyone here is a bit of a drama queen too. (Yep, I know.)
Onto our unique climate. (Thank you subway system of radiating heat, random street cones with scary smoke billowing out the tops and a sewer system that hisses with steam!) And we all just walk by these seismic red flags and say nothing! Our weather is polarizing. Our summers are brutal and our winters can be extreme. But catch a New Yorker on a sunny 75 degree day with a slight breeze and big puffy clouds and there is no greater paradise on earth than a people watching perch with some life affirming pizza to devour and appreciate life.
But despite our diversity and differences, we get each other. We are often imitated, heavily visited, admired, adored and unique. We are a must visit on most world travelers’ bucket lists and I can’t see that changing anytime soon.
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