Checking Out, June 10th

“You’d better check yourself before you wreck yourself” is a quote I heard a lot in my 20s. Obviously it had and has various meanings and is certainly open to interpretation so feel free to let your imagination and your humor run wild. What I do know for sure is that I’d so much rather have an experienced grocery checkout person scan the items I’m buying instead of the store depending on my vast knowledge of thousands of SKUs to somehow know the lookup for seedless organic red grapes. It’s 46982 by the way. You’re welcome.

I know stores are going digital and hiring less workers and trying to be cutting edge and all that BS but what is happening at the self checkout lines? By the time you type in your shoppers code, answer the questions regarding how many bags you need and if you dragged them from home or decided to use theirs, the cheese you just whizzed over the scanner sent a red flag to management that it is in fact not on sale. So you need to wave over one of those hard to find employees who paces the checkout supposedly in place to quickly fix shopper errors. She is also a keeper of the coveted pay-to-play paper bags and is happy to assist you after she is done helping the five other customers having similar scanning issues. And this is supposed to save time? Whose time exactly does it save?

Another pet peeve of mine lately at checkout is all the requested or suggested donations. I can barely afford those organic grapes and I’m supposed to singlehandedly end child hunger today? I don’t need that kind of pressure, Shop Rite. And don’t even get me started on tipping for grab and go items at convenience stores and quick stop bakeries. If I don’t get a tip at Shop Rite for scanning and bagging my own items, why should bodega peeps get a tip for ringing in my strawberries and one bottle of iced tea? Sorry but it’s a no.

Checking out is sometimes a competitive sport. Personally I try to beat my last time at the scanner, especially if there is a long line of foot tappers and basket draggers behind me. And don’t write this down but I do know some folks that take liberties with their items when left to their own discretion. Like they “forget” to designate their expensive produce items as organic or they type in the incorrect amount of limes, lemons and oranges by accident. Me? I’m not risking jail time for organic apples but feel free if that’s the way you roll.

I’ve realized that it’s perfectly ok to detangle and disengage when I’ve decided something isn’t for me. So occasionally I choose to wait on the “full service” line even if I have just a few items. I think the employees who remain in those jobs are happy to have jobs that only involve one customer at a time. In fact, they seem much happier than the line guards who have to police and assist a multitude of everyday shoppers with their checkout blunders for the entirety of their shift.

Knowing when to check out is a key component of retaining your sanity. And as I mentioned earlier, you need to check yourself before you wreck yourself. So take good care. Maybe kick off your Monday like this hero did with some pancakes?