If you’ve never been to the venue City Winery in NYC you’re missing out. They have a great, intimate space for concerts with an option to wine and dine before and during the show. The food isn’t spectacular, but the warm skillet chocolate chip cookie with a huge scoop of vanilla ice cream and a drizzle of chocolate syrup didn’t hurt my feelings.
Anyhow, recently Michael got us tickets to see the group 10,000 Maniacs at City Winery on a super chilly Friday night. This band, with its original lead singer Natalie Merchant, was one of my best loved groups while I was in college and beyond. Remember them? Their music was so iconic, emotional, and played by me on repeat on the cassette player in my car and in the boom box in my apartment. Now that’s certainly dating myself. Yikes.
One of my favorite songs was These Are Days. “These are days you’ll remember. Never before and never since, I promise, will the whole world be warm as this. And as you feel it. You’ll know it’s true that you are blessed and lucky. It’s true that you are touched by something that will grow in you. In you.” This was basically the perfect after college anthem. The lyrics answered my questions of what I was going to do with my life. I was supposed to look for the passions growing within me and I’d know what decisions to make. Easy, right?
And as a precocious young adult venturing out into the world, I had three main questions that demanded specific answers. I graduated homeless, husbandless and jobless and I was determined to set myself on a course to successfully satisfy the requirements of all three. (I was not actually homeless. I just didn’t have a place to call my own and suburban life was not an option for me.)
Sadly, divine intervention did not exactly light my way. Instead it was more of an optimistic leap into a shitty assistant job that pushed me into the workforce, commuter sock/sneaker combo and all. (Oh, the horror!) I was able to muddle through on a bare bones salary convinced that I was living the dream. Young, naive, and broke suited me! I found a studio apartment within walking distance from the job that I could barely afford, but I knew I wouldn’t have a starter job forever so on an IKEA budget I moved in and made it home. And as for my personal life, I met someone from NYC two weeks before the start of my senior year in college and he was anxiously awaiting my return the following May. With several of the initial boxes checked I was well on my way.
The apartment lasted longer than both the job and the boyfriend combined. I moved onto better paying positions and other loves. Eventually I changed my geography as well. My life was in motion at full tilt. I was still playing that 10,000 Maniac’s song. “These are days you’ll remember. When May is rushing over you with desire. To be part of the miracles you see in every hour, you’ll know it’s true that you are blessed and lucky. It’s true that you are touched by something that will grow and bloom in you.” The lyrics were perfect as I pondered who might I marry? Would I have children? If so how many? Boys? Girls? What would they be like? And on and on. But I knew that I couldn’t know any of these things in advance. The unknowable was frustrating but promising.
Many years later, most of these questions have been answered. I did get married, but soon thereafter got divorced. I had one son which wasn’t exactly the dream life I’d imagined but one and done ended up being my path. I was in advertising for a decade until I took a huge risk changing to a career in sales and never looked back. I could not have guessed any of these outcomes. But my story isn’t over yet, either.
Having partnered with the most wonderful man I’ve ever met, my love life is complete and finally bliss. Whew. That took a while! Geographically I reside in NYC and I must say that although I love my oasis, I dream of moving on a daily basis. (Yes, of course within the New York City limits but to a different neighborhood.) And I have proudly built a flourishing career with a robust writing hobby I indulge on a daily basis. “These are the days you might fill with laughter until you break. These days you might feel a shaft of light make its way across your face. And when you do, you’ll know how it was meant to be, see the signs and know their meaning. It’s true. You’ll know how it was meant to be, hear the signs and know they’re speaking to you. To you.”
Hearing that song at the concert brought tears to my eyes. Actually the whole audience was filled with folks my age or older and all of them seemed lost in thought and a little weepy as they swayed with the music, eyes closed, arms in the air, singing the lyrics we all know by heart. And during that song, I wanted to reach into my past and hug the younger version of myself and reassure her that we make it. We survive. We learn. We grow. We experience. We thrive. We love. These are days we remember. And they make us who we are today.
I guess one of the reasons I became a writer is that I like keeping a custodial record. A written testament to life. When you record special moments in real time, you accurately capture all of the emotions and the spirit of the experience. If you don’t write them then, perspective and time can erode the power of your memories. That’s why I think music is so powerful. It’s the same exact tune and lyrics that can completely transport you.
I’m ugly crying as I write this now. It’s impossible to hear that song and not relive so many significant times in my life. And they rush back with such vivid clarity. The day I got the keys to my starter apartment. I twirled around the middle of the living room/bedroom/dining room like Mary Tyler Moore and threw the keys in the air! The moment I held my newborn in my arms for the first time and introduced myself as his Mom. The rush of love was overwhelming. The thud my novel made on the coffee table when I received the first printed copy! I recorded my shaky voice and captured the thrill of my sheer delight. These are days I remember.
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