I am so fortunate to have both of my parents still with me. And as much as they tried to prepare me for life, there are some hilarious normalcies that they just never properly explained. Like I don’t remember either of them describing how critical patience would be when it came to customer service. Or how it would be impolite to laugh in the face of someone absolutely drunk, clueless and dancing like nobody is watching. They never explained the rules of Tupperware or how kids might remember the smallest detail. Forever. And bring it up. Forever. I know that they do their absolute best to support me and still help me with life’s trials and tribulations, but here are some handy hacks that I learned as an adult that I’d like to share with you…
The first one of course includes informing your parents of your whereabouts if you leave the ground or travel more than one hour away by car. Instead of being annoyed that they ask to track your location or to check in when you arrive, be happy that they care enough to want to know that you’re safe and you are where you’re supposed to be. It’s amazing how much relief a quick proof of life text can bring to a parent.
I don’t think I have ever had an instance growing up where my parents tried to poison me (save for the liver and onions everyone enjoyed except yours truly), nor do I remember a time when I fed my son horrible food. But this young whipper snapper certainly showed a keen memory for Mexican that was not to her liking. So be forewarned. Kids have good memories and won’t think twice about embarrassing you, especially in front of Grandma or in a crowd.
Tupperware is one of those missing socks in the dryer kind of anomalies. Except of course that we ALL face it. How lids go missing or multiple is totally above my pay grade. But someone should warn us!! So this is your warning…
Life is not fair. And it’s definitely not easy. These two facts were certainly taught to me. Sometimes super smart people do not end up successful while those who had trouble tying their shoelaces end up in the lap of luxury. Either way, learning to manage your money is a very important part of being able to enjoy your life and minimize your stress. But nobody told me this…
Dad jokes are something I never thought I’d find funny. Especially when I’ve heard them for the past 30 years. (I’m still not a fan of Dad sneakers or Mom jeans.) However… I’m sneaking this in because I actually laughed and I hope you do too, Dad!
An exit strategy in all things is crucial to not completely lose your cool. If you get into something, it’s always a good idea to know how to get yourself out. I’m generally speaking about a boat loan, a dress that’s too tight when you’re alone in the fitting room and starting to panic, a bad marriage, agreeing to get a cat when you really don’t want a cat, dinner with his cousins, and especially finding the actual physical exit. Jockeying for position at the grocery store is something none of us talk about. It was never a dinner table discussion from which to build. But there should be lessons on picking the fast lane through toll plazas, license renewals, airport security lines, and the dang grocery store. Because the slow lane is completely infuriating, even when you’re not in a rush.
Diet and nutrition were always a topic in my house. I’d have to say that my parental units did a pretty good job (considering the times) schooling me on health, movement, sports, and fitness. Don’t forget that I grew up in a time of Diet Coke, margarine, Doritos, Kool-Aid, Pringles, and Pop Rocks. But what they didn’t share was the ingredients involved in making McDonald’s Apple Pies. Spoiler alert: not a single apple was ever harmed making those hand-held lava pockets.
My Mom prepared a lot of things from scratch. Sometimes she used recipe cards or a cookbook and sometimes The Mothership would just wing it. No matter her methods, most of her cooking was simply outstanding. But I wish she would have warned me about the inevitable when cooking from a box… That I would most likely read ingredients and directions aloud at least 50 times to make a simple three ingredient dish, especially Mac and Cheese! So let me tell you… no matter what you’re cooking, do not throw out the box until you’re about to serve. I promise you will need it, want it, check it, doubt yourself, forget, and have to check it again.
The last thing I wish my parents would have told me was to have infinite patience for seemingly ridiculous customer service requests. It’s never the guy on the phone whose policy you have to follow. It’s the ludicrous company exec that hired that guy in the first place.
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