There’s An App For That, January 22nd

Real life is riddled with unexpected twists and turns and curves we must successfully navigate. I find that so many little things can be tweaked to help us along the way… however, they are not always set up to ensure our success. And you guessed it, I have some thoughts…

I happen to use the Waze app all the time for navigation. It’s not that I don’t know where I’m going or how to get there. It’s that there could be several accidents along my typical route, or a recent traffic jam, construction, or a parade, march, police activity or a water main break. Sometimes in New York City you’re looking at some or most of these issues just to exit the island of Manhattan! And I’d rather be rerouted with the help of technology than sit in traffic.

But wouldn’t it be great to have more of a relationship with your navigation? What I mean is, if the app knew you better, it could reeeeally help. Like if it says to take the Midtown Tunnel but you decide to take the 59th Street Bridge instead, it could say, “Heeey, Jen. What are ya doing?? I told you there’s traffic on the bridge. You’re going to miss the party. Are you trying to miss the party? OMG, Jennifer Ann! If you’re late to the party you can avoid talking to X. Jen! Take the damn Tunnel and be an adult!” And then maybe for a small fee, Waze can offer a little therapy along your route to help you cope with X. Just a thought? They could even call it Help Is On The Waze. (Ok, I know. I got carried away. Sorry. Just me overthinking.)

Also, I can’t judge distance, especially in a moving vehicle. I don’t how much 600 feet is before I’m supposed to make a turn. Is it here? Here??? The next one? Coming up?? Did I miss it? Give me a landmark or something familiar that I can work with and possibly some comedy or a little conversation. Like, “Right after the Chic-fil-A you’re gonna wanna make a right. And please don’t stop for the grilled nuggets and a diet lemonade pretending you’re going to save it for later. You just ate lunch and I know you have no willpower. You’ll be too tempted to snack on it immediately. Just make the damn turn.”

I think it would be hilarious if a new Driver Spy app yelled at you when you failed to merge or cut someone off. Especially if you’re a new driver. And then when you got home it reported back to your parents, “Sami forgot to merge because she was on the phone with Zoë and cut someone off in town!” Or, “Alex was speeding down Route 304 and parked in the family only zone when he went into Starbucks with his friends. And it looks like Stevie D. (the soccer goalie you said you didn’t trust) spilled his Frappuccino on the shotgun side of your Jag. Better have a look.” Can you imagine the AI possibilities? Ya, me too.

Technology could certainly help men in unhappy marriages who just happen to have an intense fishing hobby. Take a gander at this ad. The creator certainly nailed the assignment…

And how about Netflix? Instead of encouraging you to see the next episode, and the next, and binge the whole dang series during business hours if you were just planning a quick one episode during your lunch hour, Flix could suggest an educational program or encourage a motivational speaking program to get you back on track to finish the day strong. And when it is your leisure time, Netflix could promote household chores instead of more and more screen time…

The one place I could certainly use technology (but so far none exists) is in my car. Like when one of the warning lights goes on, I have no way to assess the seriousness of the light. Is it a dire emergency or something I can ignore for a few hundred miles? Should I evacuate? Drive immediately to the garage and have them take a look? And how much is this unexpected and unwelcome light going to cost me?

It would be great if along with the light a trustworthy voice came on like Morgan Freeman’s and said, “Oh shit, Jen. Your engine light is on. Looks serious. We’re talking a price tag with a comma. You best return that new pair of black boots you got on sale that I just know you don’t need and make the appointment. And yes, ma’am. I mean now.” Or a voiceover soundly oddly similar to Sir Anthony Hopkins could say, “Hello, Jen. Nothing to worry about. It’s a warning light. You can have it looked over when you go for your annual car checkup in three months. And by the way, I love the boots.”

Technology is here to stay and I think with a few tweaks, we could certainly benefit a bit more. My ultimate dream is a techno chef that could do the prep and cooking for me with the mere push of a button. I could live like The Jetsons… but so far there’s no app for that. But I bet it’s in the works!