Getting Malled, November 24th

For serious shoppers, there are really only two peak days during the retail calendar to score the best in person deals. They are considered “day after sales.” The first one is the day after Thanksgiving and the second one is the day after Christmas. And the hot spot to capitalize on these sales, to really take advantage of these doorbuster bargains, is to go directly to the mall.

Once a land of Sears and Piercing Pagoda, Aladdin’s Castle, Swiss Colony for cheese and beef jerky, KayBee Toys, Pants Place Plus, Waldenbooks, Herman’s Sporting Goods, and the only spot in town for both white nurse’s loafers and sexy prom heels (Tom McAn), malls today certainly have changed. Now a hub of family fun, retail, and dining, your local shopper’s paradise is packed with As Seen On TV kiosks, bustling food courts, a line out the door Apple Store, and at least two big box anchors with one of them most likely belonging to the Federated family. Many have movie theaters, ice skating rinks, theme parks, and mini golf.

Even if it’s not the day after a major holiday, it’s hard to run into the Gap to pick up a white t-shirt. On the way there you’re bombarded by The Nordstom Half-Yearly Sale, Bloomingdale’s Friends & Family alerts, and the addictive smell of Auntie Anne’s warm pretzels that permeates every packed corridor of the entire peddler’s maze. Usually by the time you emerge, you’ve discovered a great oversized sweater from Zara, patterned socks from Madewell, the perfect travel jacket from Lululemon, birthday cards for your brother, and a must have Ice Storm from the Nordie’s eBar. (My absolute kryptonite.) You’re not getting out of the mall for less than $100 no matter what you need. It’s like the shopping minimum just to leave your house. And did you even remember the white tee at the Gap? Ya, me neither.

When you finally get home, the urge to wash your hands furiously and change out of your shopping clothes is palpable. There are those that toss their purchases near the front door and neglect them for the next three days. However there are others of us (me!) who must unpack, unbox, and gently tear the delicate wrapping tissue off to immediately surveil the spoils of the day.

An hour later you might realize that you unwittingly dribbled a few spatters of that delicious Nordie’s Ice Storm on your new white sneaks. (Uuugh, I hope it comes out with a Tide pen.) And a light but noticeable bruise on your left arm is starting to darken. (Did that happen digging through the 40% off bin at Victoria’s Secret?)

Your shoulder is suddenly sore from the dragging of heavy packages and you see that your wrist has those indentations that look like they could be permanent from carrying too many twisted paper bag handles. These injuries, strains, and marks are all part and parcel of the schtick that is modern day shopping. So check yourself carefully honey, ’cause you’ve just been Malled.

Wishing you patience, stamina, and a coveted parking spot today. May all your sores be worth the score of a fabulous bargain or two (or more). Happy Black Friday!

And on a very serious note, the news of some of the hostages being released today comes with anxiety, fear, relief and hope. May all of them be returned quickly and safely. I Stand With Israel.