Lately the world seems so dang polar. And it’s almost unthinkable that an opinionated talker like me would back off a good debate to suddenly zip it. However, in the current climate I do find myself happily withdrawing from some conversations.
In my more seasoned years, I understand that as good as I might be in sales, sweet talking, or all out convincing, I’m just not going to sway some people if they aren’t the least bit interested in picking up what I’m trying to put down. Not everyone is open to hearing an alternative point of view when they are so focused on their version of the truth, or their tried-and-true methods. And actually in some very specific cases, this includes me.
No flat earther on this planet could convince me that the earth is in fact flat and frankly I’d rather avoid the topic altogether. No tucker of button-down shirts will ever scam me into daring to tuck in my own shirt. Ever! I’m comfortable wearing white after Labor Day (oh, yes I am) and I don’t care what Miss Manners says about hats, I like them indoors, thankyouverymuch. But if we’re in the middle of a conversation and I have the floor and you interrupt me, ooooh that’s the worst.
As an aging middle ager, it is so frustrating to be interrupted. And not just because I lose my place in the story, but because I’m prone to completely losing my train of thought and forget what I was going to say. Who can relate to this? (Class? Anyone??) Being brought up in what I’d call an “interactive” talking family, I was used to loud conversations that had many unannounced and unwelcome speaker shifts. Just when I was convinced that I had the conn and could finally spit out my version of the truth, poof! The iron throne was pulled out from under me. I might have missed my chance completely if I was overpowered by bigger words, a louder voice, or someone up and leaving the conversation altogether because they just didn’t want to hear what I had to say. Arrrgh!
The worst part of being interrupted is when your “opponent” starts their portion of the conflict by saying, “You think” or “You just want…” or “You feel.” How could they possibly know what you think, want, or feel without asking? Exactly. They can’t.
It’s common knowledge but rarely put into practice that we are supposed to listen to hear and understand and not just because we’re waiting to pounce with our salty replies. When I experience an animated ignorer in the middle of one of my diatribes, I know that my words are probably falling on deaf ears. So I tend to curb my enthusiasm during the chat and not up the ante with a more passionate plea. If I get snarky replies, lots of eye rolling, or the volume of the talk seems to grow by the decibel, I know to quiet myself because having the floor won’t matter. The mic has already been dropped.
In some cases, the other person is just desperate to be heard. So instead of getting angry, I do my best to listen and even repeat back exactly what they are saying so that they are sure I’m getting the correct message. Chances are, once they feel sufficiently heard, they might calm down. And once they’ve finished, that’s my chance to not start in with my alternative opinion, but to remain quiet. Oh the wisdom that comes with age! Timing is so important. The speaker is now exhausted so I try to respect the outpouring by not filling them up with my truths just then and instead let them recover from their purge. Strangely enough I think we both feel better in the end.
As you may have guessed, Conversationus Interruptus isn’t from the Latin, but damn, shouldn’t it be? It’s instead from my neck of the impatient streets of New York and it means, “Don’t interrupt me!” But if your adversary is just havin’ a day and can’t seem to help themselves, try to listen and be kind. You’ll get your chance one day. Until then, look what a good listener you can become! And when I say you, obviously I mean me. 😃
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