Terrific Tuesdays, July 19th

I only have one child so I always tried to make birthdays extra special for my son with over-the-top celebrations at places like Toys-R-Us in Times Square (oh yes I did) and Dylan’s Candy Bar. I even threw him a dinosaur party at The Museum of Natural History and a treasure hunt birthday at the Scholastic Bookstore downtown. Sometimes gifts were extravagant too but as he aged out of parties, I favored experiences over adding to the list of things that he could one day buy for himself.

For the past few years, my once spectacular relationship with my son felt a little compromised. We had a bit of a rough patch while he was in college as he transitioned into early adulthood and gained more independence. And although we consistently talked things through and managed to heal and move forward, my creative days of surprising him with decorations and holidays seemed immature and inappropriate.

So in an effort to rekindle a little bit of the childhood excitement for him and remind him of all the wonderful, creative, and thoughtful things that playfully peppered his formative years, I created Terrific Tuesdays. I found a subtle way for me to still have a little positive influence over him while being a pro-active parent but in a way that seemed welcoming and fun.

I ran the idea by him without revealing too many details. The original concept was called Mondays With Mom. But he immediately told me that Tuesday was his worst day of the week– he was used to staying up late on Sunday nights and could power through a Monday, but by Tuesday the lack of sleep caught up with him and Tuesdays just sucked. So I morphed the concept and Terrific Tuesdays were born.

I wracked my brain with a whole host of interesting and meaningful thoughts, scrapped most of them and settled on a few I thought stood out. I then presented him with a series of envelopes that were marked with the dates of future Tuesdays. The plan was for him to play along by opening each envelope the Monday night prior to that specific Terrific Tuesday. (You know the Jews… we love a good erev whatever to kick off a holiday at sundown the night before. Mazel!)

And I even included this as a fun seal on one of them!

He had no idea what he was in for and I’m sure I was more excited than he was to begin. So the first envelope he opened was TWO FOR TUESDAY. I wrote a cute note and included four Starbucks gift cards. He’s a regular at Starbucks so it was a sneaky way of treating him to breakfast for a full week of commuting. He appreciated the gesture and we were off to a great start!

The next week was TREAT YOURSELF TUESDAY. My son and I used to prowl the retail grounds of Barney’s (RIP), Bergdorf, Bloomie’s, Saks, and SoHo, with lots of Kith and Supreme visits. Over the years, I helped him carefully curate his drool-worthy wardrobe and shoe collection. I used to be his wealthy (ha!) benefactor, but now that he’s a working stiff, he pays his own way.

And since he has such a growing passion for fashion (he’s an assistant designer at a major clothing company with a line of his own in the works) and I no longer spring for regular shopping sprees or necessary staples, TREAT YOURSELF TUESDAY was my way of forking over a little dough so that he could indulge in something he might have been wanting but couldn’t necessarily afford.

The weeks continued with TASTY TUESDAY— a gift card to his fave burger joint Shake Shack and THROWBACK TUESDAY— a lunch certificate to Ess-a-Bagel, a bagel place I’ve been taking him to since he’s two! (They have a branch right near his office that he totally forgot about and was thrilled for the reminder.)

After a few weeks of fun and food, I turned a Tuesday slightly serious with THANKFUL TUESDAY. I gifted him some lunch money and matched the donation in cash for him to give away to someone less fortunate, someone in need, a homeless person, or to use as a big tip for a deserving person of his choice. And to my absolute delight, he went all in on this one considering his task thoughtfully.

When we spoke about it, I asked who was the lucky recipient of the donation? And he said he hadn’t decided yet. He mentioned that he sees the same three homeless folks on West 34th Street every day but co-workers pegged them all to be hustlers. He actually discussed it with his co-workers? (Wait, he told his office buds about Terrific Tuesdays?? Yes, indeedy.) And although I was shocked (in a good way) that he shared the whole weekly game and his task at hand, their input floored me. Several of them said they wished their Mom would do something like this for them! Wow. Not only was this NOT an embarrassing endeavor, but other kids his age wanted in! I was validated in a way I didn’t expect.

My son told me that he had to give more thought as to who might benefit most from his contribution. AND he decided to also add the gift portion meant for him so that he felt like he was really making a difference. Wow! I was beaming with pride.

The next Terrific Tuesday was TACO TUESDAY— I couldn’t skip the most obvious and commercial choice! So I gifted him and a guest a Mexican fiesta of food and drinks at the location of his choice. Ole!

Future ones were more Mom focused. Like I knew that he hadn’t had his eyes checked in over a year. So I pretended to be his Ferry Godmother (yes, he takes the Ferry to work every day so ha!) and mentioned that if he couldn’t read the note, it might be time for an eye exam.

Since his medical coverage would spring for the doctor visit, I offered to pay for new frames. (Yep, secret parenting technique? Check! And I love those blue fames in the middle. They would complement his eyes. Ok, just saying!)

The next Terrific Tuesday was TAME THE MANE TUESDAY. I don’t know about you but every time I see my son I think he needs a haircut… especially after he’s just had a haircut! So this one was terrific for me. And I hope he uses it.

The final Terrific Tuesday is one I have not yet given him. Reading this post is actually how he will find out about the final envelope. Remember I told you earlier that he was working on his own line? He’s producing a hoodie, a plushie, stickers, and a bracelet! How cool! Anyway, getting samples is expensive and marketing has costs, as does a website, etc. So the final Terrific Tuesday is a PASSION FOR FASHION FUND to help him gear up. Congrats kiddo! I hope this gift aids to launch your line and helps you make your dreams come true.

So for all you parents out there looking for ways to stay relevant in your adult kids’ lives or for anyone who wants to show a little kindness to a friend or family member, a little Terrific Tuesday might just do the trick.