The Fountain Of Yutes, May 31st

My Cousin Vinny was one of the funniest movies. Ever. I was shocked to find out that my BF Michael had never seen it! So we remedied that situation recently with a popcorn filled laughfest watching Joe Pesci and Marisa Tomei in their best New York Italian-American accents completely rule the screen. My Cousin Vinny premiered way back in 1992, but so many of the lines are still in circulation today.

Who can forget when Pesci, playing newly minted attorney Vinny Gambini, described his young nephew and his nephew’s friend as “the two YUTES” on trial, instead of “the two YOUTHS!” In Fred Gwynne’s final movie performance, he played the rural Alabama judge hearing this case (spectacular!) and as he leaned in, unable to decipher Mr Gambini’s pronunciation, the puzzled look on his face was just priceless. (The three-piece burgundy bar mitzvah suit Vinny wore in this scene is a whole ‘nuther laughfest altogether.) If you haven’t seen the movie or need a refresher, break out the popcorn and grab your spot on the couch.

If you’re still using any of the lines from this movie, you’ve obviously discovered The Fountain of Yutes– how a joke from long ago never gets old. In some cases, it even ages like a fine wine. Who has perused a menu, completely starving and stated, “I want a hamburger. No, a cheeseburger. I want a hotdog. I want a milkshake. I want…” And of course your crew knows this schtick so well that somebody witty eventually pipes up with, “You’ll get nothing and like it, Spalding!” sending the entire table into catastrophic laughter, even though you’ve all heard that line about a million times. It’s still classic Caddyshack, right? Ever walked into a loud party and shouted TOGA! (Yeah, we know you have.) We have all used that Animal House line at some point.

When trying to get myself out of a sticky situation, I once spoke into my imaginary watch and said, “KITT, meet me around back.” This was of course me imitating David “The Hoff” Hasselhoff playing Michael Knight from the hit TV-series (being generous using the word hit!) Knight Rider. If it’s been a while since you’ve brushed up on your 80s action crime drama, KITT was a black Firebird Pontiac Trans Am fully loaded with techno wizardry and responded to voice commands. (He even spoke himself!) Anyway, Michael would summon KITT by talking into his watch.

Then there are the completely made-up lines that seem like they should have been in a movie. Like, “I’m sorry to interrupt Senator, but you have an urgent phone call,” is a great way to remove a pal from a delicate situation. I also love, “They’re ready for you in the green room.” A friend once told me that the best way to get out of jury selection is to answer all questions with, “I don’t think mere mortals should be questioning decisions best made by our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.” I’ve been too chicken to use it, but I’m guessing it would work like a charm. And by the way… I was just called for jury duty (noooooo!), so brace yourselves for a reality post involving Void Dire, the courthouse, and who’s wearing what out in public these days.

I think the line I most overuse is “I, state your name”– another winner from Animal House. I’ve also been known to drop a few, “Couldja not?” from the hilarious scene in the movie The Family Stone delivered by Rachel McAdams when her mom, played by the incomparable Diane Keaton, is inappropriately sharing details of her sex life from high school! By the way, that movie is good any time of the year, not just around the holidays.

As we all learned in grade school, The Fountain Of Youth, most commonly associated with explorer Ponce de León, is a mythical spring that restores youth to anyone who drinks from it or bathes in it. I think reciting these lines year after year brings us right back to the original laugh track, so in a way they do actually promote eternal yute!

If you can’t find some humor in your day today, feel free to recycle one of the lines above or be creative and invent a new one. I betcha can’t avoid a smile when your delivery hits the mark and your audience laughs!