Meme Girls– Angry Edition, May 23rd

You probably know by now that Meme Girls has become a featured theme. But over the past few weeks, KLB has sent me so many ultra-hilarious screen shots in the angry genre, that I just couldn’t pepper them into a variety of blogs without proper context. So instead, I decided that an Angry Girls Edition would cover all the bases. Apparently there are a lot of frustrated women out there who looove to use colorful language to describe every possible situation. (I hear ya, ladies and I’m with y’all.) So let’s jump right in. KLB says her phone hates her. (She’s very dramatic!) So she sent me this…

“Calling it a demon box is pure genius! Who uses the word ducking anyway? More importantly, why does MY phone defy me with auto correct of actual words when I know what I want to say. DEFCON level 5 of anger with that technology. Ugh. How’s your day otherwise?” “Jenster, I am thiiiiiiiis close to screaming right now.”

Ugh oh. KLB is not the kind of gal you want to piss off. “I’m afraid to inquire… What’s going on? Are you alone? Do you want to be? Are sharp objects around? Do you need emergency chocolate? Is Timmy trapped in a well? Are you donning appropriate footwear should you decide to set fire to the abode? Talk to me, Goose.”

“I’m just having a bad day, Taking care of shit that never gets taken care of. I’ll be fine. Glad to be off the phone with customer service reps who don’t know the first thing about actually helping customers. I spoke with 4 (FOUR) supervisors just now regarding my cable service, or lack thereof. I’m sure they are going to send a pulse of evil through the lines and electrocute me. Can they do that? I hope not. This is in honor of them!”

“Ya. Gotcha. What are you doing up so early anyway? Isn’t after the noonish hour more your rise and shine time? Nothing good happens before 2pm anyway, trust me. This is for you, babe.”

“I had urgent reading material that required my immediate attention…”

“That must be my horoscope, too! I was traveling last week coming back from Michigan on business and I was starving. So I got to the Detroit airport and sat down at one of those super-fast deli places. I ordered a club sandwich thinking I’d ditch the bread and fill up on the turkey and accompaniments. And this one slicer shows up! What the actual f*ck is that??? Where is the meat?? Isn’t Detroit still America where the portion size is legendarily huge?”

“Jenster, I had the opposite luck. I ordered an average, run of the mill, no frills Bloody Mary the other day and this sucker showed up at the bar!”

“Jeez that’s like a whole meal. Yum. I need the coordinates of that place. After Detroit I came home to this…”

“So I had to order in from Uber eats and they didn’t accept my $20 off coupon even though I ordered over $25 worth of food as was the requirement to use said coupon. And that was the only reason I ordered! Then I tried to cancel the order, which I did, but they charged me anyway since they started making my food but never delivered it since I cancelled the order. Starving and feeling murderous, I dragged myself around the corner to that new place and was cheered up immediately by this clever sign…”

“Oh, I love that place. Bill and I just went last weekend. Great minds! Most people are on my shit list today, including my Super. Water issues again in the building.”

“Living in NYC is sometimes such a pain in the ass! I am not home for days at a time and by the time I finally get home I don’t feel like running to the grocery store or the dry cleaner. I need Glinda The Good Witch to do all my errands. Can I borrow her after you’re done? Also I’d like a live in chef, a chauffeur and hell, I’d really like a garden in my imaginary backyard, too. You have such a green thumb with all the plants in your house. I’ve killed all of mine and only display plastic now. This one’s for you, tuts…”

“Thanks. I love all the plants in the apartment! But they are starting to feel a little Audrey Two. Bill told me no more greenery unless we move to a bigger place. But his guitars are everywhere. How do families live in apartments the size of ours? The upkeep is hideous without help!”

“I love this song already! What inspired you?? And yes, I have tons of lyrics I’d like to offer you. How about this line…”

“Oh, Jen! A winner for sure. I’m thinking of this one, too…”

“Life is just not what it used to be! But at least the mask hides our sneery looks and angry faces! If they only knew. I hope your day gets better! Don’t kill anyone today! Love you”