I remember being in fourth grade. I was all but 4’11” and a whopping 63 pounds. (Back then we all shared our weight after the school nurse visited our class. We had no idea that years later we’d rather be drawn and quartered than give up that personal data point.) Anyway, the fifth and sixth grade classes were located on the lower floor of my elementary school– the cool section for upperclassmen. And I remember wondering how tall I would be and how much might I weigh when I was downstairs in 5th or 6th grade. (Like that day would ever come? It was so far in the future!) Fortunately for me I hit my final height of 5’6” in 6th grade, or so I thought. A recent checkup says my vertical stature has been lowered an entire inch. Sadly my final weight is still TBD. (If you can relate, cheers to us.)
The thing about life is that you don’t even really recognize the stage you’re in if you’re always looking toward the next step or reminiscing about the past. And then suddenly your current stage ends and you’re already onto the next one without having a true appreciation of where you’ve been. I’m determined to not let that happen to me anymore.
The looking forward for me has slowed considerably for several reasons. The biggest reason is that I’m an empty nester. I’m not taking care of a baby or a toddler or making lunches every day or arranging playdates or volunteering for the school trip. I don’t have to buy diapers, or bath toys, or crayons, or another deck of Pokémon cards hoping and praying that the one card he wants is in THAT pack. (Or that one or THAT one or that one.) I don’t have to plan a visit to the camp outfitter to blow thousands on shrinkable green shirts and matching shorts that need to be replaced by next summer. I’m not locked into traveling during peak times for Spring Break or Winter recess. I no longer have to save money for college tuition or to plan something spectacular to recognize my son’s 21st birthday. (He’s already 22!) I did relish all of these responsibilities, by the way. And I still absolutely love being a Mom. However, graduation from these tasks make me an independent entity with consideration by choice for a significant other, but with no obligations other than to myself. How did 22 plus years fly by so quickly?? I really thought I was paying close attention.
So my literal hands-on parenting is behind me. And between Covid and the recent political climate being what it is, I’m so happy that I’m on the back nine of life. Gas pricing are soaring, global warming is ravaging the planet. F*ck- I don’t know that I’d want another 54 years on planet earth. I’m thrilled that I don’t have to brush up on my interview skills, keep in touch with headhunters, or work to build my resume. I’m super happy at my job and if this is the last place I work until I retire, stick a fork in me—I am done. I own a place, (not that I can currently afford easily) but I’m not saving up to buy a new one. My car is in good shape and I just love the fabric seats in my Honda. (Ask anyone! I actually do.) I can just live and enjoy my life and my job and my friends and family.
I’m not racing toward retirement either. I’m loving what I’m doing. I’m not desperate to move to a warmer climate—it was just 78 degrees in NYC yesterday. I’d love to keep writing because I want to, not because I have to. (I checked the write a novel box already, too. Woohoo. I’d spare you the shameless plug but just in case you haven’t read it yet, it’s available on Amazon if you search under the “books” tab. It’s titled JEN’S LITTLE BLACK BOOK: Bacon Wrapped Dates.) So I’m good right where I am– not looking forward too too far and occasionally looking back with amazement that I even made it here in one piece. (No clue how I managed most days– and that is the truth.)
Here are some tidbits I’ve picked up recently– watching and learning is seriously underrated! Seeing an old friend after more than 30 years (DLS!!!) and picking up right where you left off is life affirming and does wonders for the soul. Not having to correct a fool immediately takes the pressure off of you. Being on a committee instead of leading the charge is so much more fun. “That wasn’t my experience” and “Hmmm, that’s not how I remember it” enables you to defend yourself without causing a fight. Delivering a genuine “thank you” with a smile to someone’s intrusive advice quiets them and you can completely ignore their directives. (Thank god no one has invented the technology where someone can read the thought bubble over our heads– we’d all be screwed but for now, we are golden.) Other than the creaking bones, getting older with the benefit of becoming wiser definitely has its advantages.
Plus, I can afford a trendy retail swing and a miss. Even though my mainstay basics have changed over the years, I own a closet full of workable accessories, and honey, diamonds and an Hermès crossbody go with everything. I know what jacket to wear when it’s precisely 62 degrees. (Can you say that??) I can throw together an impressive brunch for four without breaking a sweat. I can sleep on an airplane. I can say no gracefully.
So I didn’t realize the front nine would go quite so quickly– especially the jump from 5th grade to fifty! But for the back nine, I am determined to enjoy the here and now every single day.
jenslittleblackbook.com 