A Few Pointers, January 26th

When I was in my mid-20s I was a huge Knicks fan. Those were the days the big man, Patrick Ewing, played center, and number 3, John Starks, who was famous for hitting shots from “downtown” (meaning that he hit three pointers) escaped a life of bagging groceries to play professional ball. As I got to know all the hot shots on my New York home team, I watched so many games that I knew a lot about the whole NBA– top athletes, their numbers, coaches, backstories, scandals, etc.

A lot of my girlfriends weren’t into basketball but they were single. So I taught them a few lines that allowed them to slide into conversations so that they would appear sports savvy but hid their true level of knowledge about the game. And suddenly they all morphed into man magnets! Here are some of my genius lines that I’m proud to say would still work today.

When the TV is on in the background of a party or a sports bar and a basketball game is blasting and you honestly couldn’t care less to view or discuss, all you have to say is, “I can’t even watch. Since Jordan left the game, basketball will never be the same for me.” And observe the reaction of men everywhere who instantly bond with you.

Another line is, “Well if Mugsy Bogues was able to dunk, there’s certainly hope for men everywhere.” (He was an amazing player, but on the shorter side clocking in at a mere 5’3″!) If the conversation turns toward unfairness or being passed over for a job promotion, the best line is, “I feel like Scotty Pippen while MJ was on the court. I’m hoping my boss retires soon, although I don’t think they will be hanging up her jersey in an arena anytime soon. Let’s just hope it’s Phil Jackson that has my back.”

Knowing just enough sports lingo to be credible can get you through new business meetings, long cocktail parties, and give you ammo to easily make small talk when the situation requires. And sports lines are fairly universal. No one is going to question you if you make a comment with passion and indignation! You could always go hockey with the “I’ve already hat a hat trick of martinis. Time to cool it for tonight.” Or football with, “Say what you want about Boston, but c’mon. There is no denying that Tom Brady is and will forever be the GOAT. Just look what he did in one season for the Bucs. (Yeah, sucks about this year though, Tommy.)”

Or, “Sorry but the Bills, Steelers, Eagles, etc. have been robbed this season!” Golf can be a last resort with, “I only got into the game because of Tiger. Now it’s just golf again. I can’t even bring myself to watch The Masters.” Or when you make a mistake in an early morning meeting you can just say, “Breakfast ball?”