We’ve all heard the usual dribble of lame excuses. As a kid, “the dog ate my homework” comes to mind. As an adult, I’ve gotten everything from “my alarm didn’t go off” to “I never saw those four urgent emails sent on four separate occasions with our son’s fraternity housing bills attached.” (Are you thinking what I’m thinking? Uh huh. Just checking.) I’ve heard “the train was late” “traffic was a mess” and “I thought we agreed that you were going to handle that.” Umm, no. My favorite by far was, “I didn’t know you were saving that last delicious piece of chocolate cake that you hid way back in the fridge behind the leftover brussel sprouts that you know I won’t touch.” Suuuure ya dint.
The absolute worst excuse I’ve ever heard was from a date I had a few years ago. I was out with the guy one single time and on the first date he was already lining up the second. I was flattered, a little unsure, and a little wary of his pasty complexion, but his overzealous attitude convinced me to just say yes. Needless to say, he moved the second date… twice, and finally on game day he was a no show, no call, no text. Why not just cancel, you weenie? I’ve already seen your face. I just don’t get it. Anyway, a few weeks later and completely out of the blue, I got an apology note from him. You’re not even going to believe what he wrote.
“I know you must think I’m the world’s biggest ass but I was in an accident and hospitalized and my phone and contacts were all gone. I had a horrible concussion and my car was totaled. I don’t expect forgiveness but I just wanted to say I’m sorry for any hurt I caused, Lee.” Can we for a moment, just us chickens, go over the flaws in his who-can-even-believe-this-bullshit story??
Exhibit A: Your phone and contacts were “gone.” Like in a fiery crash your actual phone was incinerated by the flames and you made it out just in time? And you never backed up to the cloud? Ever? How did you find my phone number then? Exhibit B, C, D and E: You had a concussion and you were in the hospital and your car was totaled too, and you’re apologizing for causing me pain after just one date? Hmmm, that sounds odd, right? The Bullshit Meter on this one says: Thanks for playing but you’re a liar! Have a nice day. 😊
Don’t people who make bad excuses KNOW that the minute those lying words escape their trembling lips, that the audience is already onto their deception? It’s their body language, or their delayed speech, stuttered stammer, lack of eye contact, guilty look, or use of waaay too many stupid excuses piled on top of one another that immediately gives them away. Better to own up, fess up, or just cancel instead of dragging someone else into the imaginary drama. And if you need to break a date, just bow out gracefully by saying you can’t make it and avoid the messy details. The truth shall set you free!
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