On Passover, Jews host a traditional Seder meal to recount our ancestors’ Exodus from ancient Egypt. (We’re Jews! Of course there’s food– usually too much and sadly not much of it tastes great.) This is another Suffer Along With Your Family holiday where we sing songs to which not everyone knows all the words. One important section of the service begins with the youngest child asking, “Why is this night different from all other nights?” In Hebrew this is referred to as the “Ma Nishtanah” or The Four Questions.
These specific queries are related to eating matzah and giving that thick, delicious seven grain toast you’ve been enjoying a break for eight days, partaking of only bitter herbs instead of a selection of luscious savory vegetables during the meal, dipping food twice (not even in addictive onion dip but rather salt water), and only sitting in a reclining position (at least one perk of the hours-long inquiry and follow up). I’m not knocking my Tribe, but I think we are well overdue for a little update. So I would like to introduce at least Four More Questions into the mix, and I’m opening up this service to anyone over the age of 50– religious denomination irrelevant for purposes of this inquiry.
Ma Nishtanah, Question One: Who the hell is that in my mirror?? I vaguely remember being pregnant with my son. I would look down at my basketball of a belly, amazed that my body could extend to that girth. Unfortunately I now know what I’m capable of… and not in a good way. Nowadays I stare at my reflection and have to look away! Who is that old woman? The suddenly wavy hair after having pin straight locks all my life! The more than generous smile lines? Those Hadassah arms! (Too much chopped liver.) Oy vey! Mirrors should be kinder to people over a certain age. Like maybe a little fuzzier? We can’t really see ourselves (or each other!) closeup without reading glasses anyway so can someone jump on this request? And let us all say… “Amen.”
“The moment I wake up, Before I put on my makeup, I say a little prayer for you. While combing my hair, now, And wondering what dress to wear now, I say a little prayer for you.” Reflection by none other than the incomparable Aretha Franklin.
Ma Nishtanah, Question Two: Why can’t I sleep through the night? I’m exhausted, it’s late and sleep just escapes me. I’m such a good napper– it’s cruel to deprive me of my beauty sleep at this age when clearly I need it more than ever! I’m hot until I’m cold. I need two pillows. I need foam. I don’t want any pillows. I need the blanket. I hate the blanket. I need a podcast to lull me to sleep. I can’t follow the podcast because I’m silently making a shopping list in my head. What’s tomorrow? Did I set the alarm? What should I have for breakfast? I hope the blueberries aren’t mushy. What I really need is therapy. Silent prayer that Dr. Lauren’s schedule opens up soon. Amen to that.
Ma Nishtanah, Question Three: Why am I so obsessed with the daily price of strawberries? Riddle me this, Batman… How can strawberries be $5.99 today at Fairway and $9.99 at Morton Williams tomorrow? If I schlep back to Fairway will they be $9.99 there too? How much is that per berry? Are they worth it? Will I eat all of them? What’s my ROI? Should I use the corner fruit guy? He’s $5 for two packs. The last time I bought from him they looked good but went bad one day later. I think they fell off a truck. Peach season (my fave) is right around the corner. We read together, “Oh Lord, bring us a good crop this year.” Amen.
Ma Nishtanah, Question Four, Five and More: Why do I have so much trouble getting up from sitting cross-legged on the bed? Did my shoulder always make that noise? Who came up with the word Sheeple? My hairdryer is starting to make that funny noise again. Should I get a new one or just wait until the motor dies? It couldn’t catch fire, could it? Is the Dyson worth it? What shoes are good when it’s 75 degrees and raining? (Class? Anyone? Anyone? None. No shoes are good in this weather.) Why do I talk to myself when I’m making a list? How can I leave a room to get something from another room and forget what I came for when I get there? Who watches Monk reruns besides me? How long will my hair hold this style with the 17 sprays of super Elnett hairspray? (Inquiring minds want to know.) Will anyone notice if I recycle my New Year’s outfit for Cousin Sheila’s third wedding? The list goes on and on.
And we read responsively, Leader: “Do the People really want answers to these questions?” Congregation: “We want the truth!” Leader: “You can’t handle the truth!” And the congregation says: “You’re goddamned right we can!”
The answers we seek are only as good as the questions we are brave enough to ask. (No, that did not come from a fortune cookie. I made it up!) Questioning authority (even if it’s a higher power) keeps us curious. Being curious keeps us young at heart. So to my fellow over 50s, maybe take a few steps back from the mirror, catch a late night show you’ve been wanting to see, and skip the berries altogether in favor of a nice melon. And let us all say, “Amen.” 🙏
jenslittleblackbook.com 