Out of Character, April 16th

We all present a version of ourselves to the outside world that we want people to see. Some folks sort of “let it all hang out” while others are much more reserved in public or when meeting new people. After a series of interactions (years, months, weeks or less), we think we know a person’s character; we might have peeled back a few layers to learn their habits or dislikes, favorite food, or hobbies. Sometimes it’s a slow reveal and other times we might feel like we click right away. Certain instances can galvanize a relationship like working together on a shared goal or having a common enemy or just plain old timing or circumstances.

Remember that Bad Ruler I wrote about a while back? He was my client when I worked for Nick. (I’m still calling him M.) Anyway, I had a horrific commute one morning and was 15 minutes late due to an LIRR delay. When I walked in, M wasn’t the least bit upset. Apparently he saw me from our massive studio windows practically running down Broadway from the R train and knew that I was frantic since I’m always on time. What he said to me after my arrival was, “Darling, a train delay is no big deal. If you walked in with a chipped nail, I’d about fallen over and died.” His expectation was that I presented a perfect manicure. Well, yeah! He was a creative director at a worldwide beauty company– what idiot would meet with him and not have the beauty basics covered? But he noticed that about me and filed it under my character traits. Interesting what other people take note of and then expect from you.

I was once stuck at an airport with my friend Rich. We weren’t besties (yet), but we had played tennis a few times on the circuit together and just attended the same conference in Phoenix. Anyway we were waiting to board a redeye back to Newark and the gate was completely packed. We were forced to grab some turf in the corner and camped out sitting on plastic bags to avoid the germy carpet. After the first two-hour delay, Rich got us waters and snacks and we laughed incessantly. After the second two-hour delay, I brought back more waters and raided the newsstand for a pile of gossip magazines– Us Weekly, People, Star, the whole lot. So Rich and I sat in the corner, reading mags and every time he got to a new page, he’d raise his voice and say, “Oh my God! I didn’t know she was married!” Or “Holy shit, he got so old!” He went on and on commenting on every single celebrity and after a while it was like story hour with him showing pictures and throwing out trivia questions to the rest of the trapped travelers. I think that trip was… I want to say 2007? But since then, I text Rich every time I walk past an airport newsstand and he does the same and we gossip together about the gossip columns!

I met my friend Brian during a job interview– he was the interviewer, and I was the candidate. Needless to say the interview was an astounding three hours long with not one pause in the conversation. We had instant chemistry and talked like we were old friends. We shared a similar philosophy about sales, marketing, people, travel, humor, customer engagement. and pretty much life in general. There was another person in the room (Dave maybe?) who commented two hours in, “So how long have you two known each other?” Brian and I both laughed. “Us?” I said, “We met here.” “No,” Dave went on, “Before today, how many years have you known each other?” Brian chimed in, “Dave, Jen and I are now friends for life based on the last two hours.” And he was right! We became super close, just from that one interview. PS, I didn’t even get the job (crazy!) and Brian ended up leaving the company (no surprise), and we are now better friends than ever.

My friend Teresa always wears Pleasures perfume by Estée Lauder, and I know she’s in the room at an event because I immediately smell that lovely scent. Michael could leave his house on time and still end up at my place a full two hours late. So I never stress the day he arrives, knowing he’ll get here eventually, but that his calculations are reliably unreliable. My Dad, on the other hand is notoriously early. If he were ever to be even a minute late, I would assume that something catastrophic must have happened. The Mothership likes to give herself a generous two hours for H & M (hair and makeup) and if she were able to be ready in 30 minutes I’d wonder what had gone wrong, even if she looked terrific, which she always does.

It’s like Jennifer Aniston wearing black to an awards show or JLo working out. Taylor Swift writing a song about a relationship or Justin Bieber getting a tattoo. Traffic on the George Washington Bridge or a jackknifed tractor trailer on the Cross Bronx Expressway. Matty knocking out another fabulous hoodie collection or wanting to troll around downtown shopping. My friend Paul having chocolate for lunch or golfing on a Friday. All these things I’ve come to expect as normal.

When I announced to a few close friends that I was considering a move to Florida, they were shocked because I’m such a New Yorker and leaving seems to be so out of character for me. (I agree.) For the moment, it’s just too much to take on– the new job and a big move. But that will be an eventuality probably later this year. As a matter of fact I’m almost done putting the finishing touches on my tribute to New York post that will be published next week and it’s a lengthy tearjerker so be prepared with the Kleenex.

I guess no matter how much we think we know a person, or even know ourselves, sometimes we do venture out of our comfort zones to explore new horizons or take on new hobbies or adopt new attributes. And this might not necessarily be out of character– it might just be that we are evolving into better version of ourselves… possibly with a mild New York accent and a new Florida tan!