After an unusually long winter, spring is finally here with her disruptively unpredictable weather. From spitting rain, to warm sun, to a random day that dips below freezing and presents a freak snowstorm, you could be wearing shorts and a t-shirt on Monday and by Wednesday you’re back in your I Dry Cleaned My Winter Coat Two Weeks Ago Because I Thought The Season Was Fucking Over Already jacket. (You know you’ve done the reluctant pulling off of the plastic wrap as you harumphed and yanked it from the last hanger in the way back of the hall closet and man, you were cursing under your breath the whole time!)
I always feel a bit of panic in the (h)air as my seasonal nemesis rears her ugly head. I am of course talking about humidity. I’m not sure many men can personally relate to this phenomenon, so if you’re a loyal follower and this subject holds no interest for you, I can appreciate you wanting to skip the entire post… However, if you live with a woman, are dating one or are married to one, if you have a sister, a daughter or have even one woman friend, listen up. What I’m about to tell you is top secret intel that might help you navigate the sometimes tricky waters.
Humidity is our common enemy. Those 53-degree days where a woman is possibly overdressed because it’s an in between day where the morning is cool but by noon it’s warmer, and the tiny beads of perspiration seep into her freshly blown hair are nothing short of a nightmare. An overcrowded, too hot subway car? Disaster. Misty or foggy mornings? Don’t even. Her do is instantly at risk of becoming a don’t. My particular mop is pin straight, so I do everything under the sun to give my limp locks some body and style. (I also feel for the curly haireds out there facing the reverse issue of wanting straight, flat hair that behaves and instead staring down the barrel of voluminous poufdom pointed directly at your melon. Be brave, ladies!) I implore three major weapons to use against my nemesis. I shampoo with a specially formulated sulfate free version by Pantene that doesn’t weigh my hair down. It also smells great in the Rose Water Scent. Then I apply a liberal amount of product by Living Proof called Full Thickening Mousse. I finish off the 25-minute sesh of blow drying in practiced, professional sections using a big round brush by spraying enough Elnett Satin Extra Strong Hold on my whole head to suffocate anyone lurking within a three-block radius. And for those first five minutes, I have I Just Stepped Out Of The Salon Looking Good hair.
You would think that between this stellar lineup of hair helpers and the practiced grooming rituals I follow, that my coiff would be impervious to humidity. But alas! The moment I step outside and the dew point is above that dreaded 59%, I might as well have scooped the whole lot up into a pony and ditched the routine altogether. The time it takes for my mane to lose the body, flatten the curl and droop embarrassingly is less than one minute. (I’ve timed it.) I’ve convinced myself that a bad hair down day is still better than a good hair up day– but I might need to rethink the effort it takes to achieve a fallen mane.
I’m not sure why a bad hair day puts me in such a bad mood. But I do know that my mood is exponentially worse when I’ve slaved over it and then it falls, rather than knowing it’s not looking great from the get-go. So if you happen to see a woman on a humid day looking pissed off and avoiding eye contact, first of all be nice to her, and second, look at her hair. If you notice the frizzies, a limp ponytail, bangs in her eyes, or a few side pieces plastered haphazardly to the sides of her head, for God’s sake do not mention it! The dreaded dew point might be to blame for her frustrated mood, but rest assured she will take it out on you if you point it out. (Better yet, compliment her shoes! Girls love that and you might just make her day.)
I never try to mess with Mother Nature, but you’d think that as a woman she’d give us gals a break! When I doubt or question the weather conditions, I think it’s best to avoid the potential bad mood. So I chuck the blow dryer altogether and rely on a nice hat to keep the attention off my head and on my smile instead.
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